To say that I have spent the last 13 weeks walking on eggshells is an understatement. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant after suffering a miscarriage in December. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy when we did get pregnant again, but I wasn’t prepared for how emotionally draining it was going to be. I now have the superpower of feeling every emotion possible all within a two minute span. Partly because that is just me in a usual day, and the rest I totally blame hormones for because I can.

I have been very cautious with who I let in when it comes to the happiness of being pregnant again and making it into the second trimester with this little nugget. I realized very quickly who was there for me when we went through our miscarriage , and those are the people who I want by our sides as we travel along this pregnancy journey. It doesn’t mean I’m going around unfriending people and flipping them off ( as much as I wanted to at one point) , it just means that I keep them at bay and don’t necessarily go out of my way to see them or share this with them.

As far as symptoms go, I am starting to feel better although daily naps are still a must to get me through the day. I had a few week of feeling pretty crummy but I felt as though it would be wrong of me to complain about it.  I wanted nothing more than to be pregnant so I should see the symptoms as a good sign and know that this time our baby was growing exactly as it should. It did help to put things into perspective and I feel like I dealt with my symptoms better than I had in my past pregnancies. It doesn’t last forever, it just feels like it sometimes.

I do feel as though I have a checklist that I mentally go through on the days where I am actually feeling pretty good. It scares me to feel good during pregnancy so I have this checklist to ease my scary pregnancy induced brain. Do my boobs still hurt? Am I still somewhat tired? Do I still look pregnant  (as if my belly would just dissappear instantly if something was wrong)?

I know I’m not alone. I know that there are so many women out there who have gone through the same thing and that brings me so much comfort. If there is anyone out there looking for hope or someone who gets it, social media is a great tool for that especially instagram. I follow so many mamas who have had beautiful healthy rainbow babies and it brings me a lot of peace and joy. We are all just doing the best that we can and we all stumble through life at certain times that seem scary and overwhelming to us. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and know that it doesn’t last forever, it’s just our minds trying to figure things out. If you surround yourself with nothing but positivity and love , than the universe will send that all right back at you.

Mama Hil💕