change

Back to School

With September already here, it means that it’s back to school time. Along with that can come an array of emotions. As a mama whose little lady is heading off to kindergarten, that means a whole new chapter not only for her but for me as a stay at home mama too. As I’ve thought about her first day I’ve also realized a trend in the conversations I have about back to school: It seems to be more traumatic for the parents than it is for our little humans. I fall into that category too if we’re being transparent and sometimes I wished the summer would never end. But then I realized that I wanted to flip the script for her sake and for mine. I don’t want to make her first day all about how sad I am. I want to fuel her excitement and let her know that she will have the best time (because it’s kindergarten and they seriously all have a blast). I’ve made a list to keep me accountable (because I love a good list) of all the things I want to remember leading up to that day to make it a positive experience for her even if I’m feeling ridiculously nostalgic.

Kids need their freedom: Just like when parents take a vacation or desperately need a date night, kids also need their space sometimes from mom and dad. That isn’t always necessarily easy when they rely on us for the majority of things and well live under the same roof of us too. As parents we influence a lot of their behaviours and decisions. Sure they all have their own personalities and quirks, but generally we steer them in the direction of right and wrong on a day to day basis. When they start going to school everyday, little by little they will have to start making decisions by themselves. Some days they will be good ones and other days not so good. All of this will be based on their own thoughts and feelings at that given time. It’s all about trial and error and as adults we go through that too (except it’s not as cute when we screw up). This is where they learn the lesson about the choices they make and the consequences that come along with that using their own judgement. It’s so good for them to learn and as parents it’s awesome to see your child come into their own even more.

They will make friends: Since it seems tedious to make new friends more as an adult (come on you feel that too), we forget that for kids it’s just a matter of saying hi. Simple, direct and to the point. Within a matter of minutes they have ten best friends, have gotten into five different fights, made up from those fights, and played twenty different games. It seems exhausting to us, but to them it’s just another day. Kids aren’t judgemental, they don’t care if you’re a boy or a girl, and they really don’t care what game they’re playing. They are basic creatures who like to play and have some company doing it. They put adults to shame in terms of acceptance, face to face interaction, and FUN! Of course there will be hard days, that comes with relationships, but each day to them is brand new. They wipe the slate clean and they don’t focus on what happened yesterday. They’re just ready to learn and play with their new friends.

Going to school EVERYDAY is okay: This topic is one of debate amongst parents of kindergarteners. Some say it’s too much and they’re too young and others think that it’s good for them especially when first grade rolls around. Personally I agree with the latter point of view but like I’ve said before #youdoyou My theory is the great thing about kids is that they have endless amounts of energy. I wish I could bottle that up. Are they going to be tired? Yep. Will they fall asleep on the bus or eating dinner? Most likely. But it’s mainly because they are soaking up all sorts of change. Kids go go go until their battery is completely drained. That’s all they know how to do and they definitely don’t want to miss anything. Of course there will be an adjustment period that comes with any sort of change, but I don’t think it’s fair to project our possibly fearful emotions onto them. If they seem extra tired, that’s normal. If you choose to keep them home one day a week, then do what works best for you and your family. All I’m saying is to give them a chance because they have a way of surprising us. Kids take it day by day and so should we.

Kindergarten is just the beginning: In this season of life, especially if this is your first child going off to school, kindergarten seems HUGE. It looks big and scary and life altering. Many times that’s how we approach change. As a big scary monster lurking in the shadows. But how do our kids see it? As an adventure and a mountain that they are for sure going to climb. I always try to put things into perspective and think about the big picture. Sending your child to kindergarten compared to seeing them go off to college or university. See what I mean? I will cross that emotionally charged bridge when I get to it. Just look forward instead of backwards. Sure they aren’t little babies anymore, but think about when they see you after school how excited they are going to be. They will have hundreds of different stories to tell you (some you will hear over and over again) and they will have artwork and accomplishments that they can’t wait to share with you. With the hard comes the amazing especially when it comes to our kiddies.

So yes you are most certainly allowed to be nostalgic. You’ve earned that right. And yes I do have a heart but I am merely speaking from previous experience. My oldest son is cruising into grade five and I can still remember his very first day of school. It was hard but I can say firsthand how transformative and awesome kindergarten was for him. If you think of it, it’s the best of both worlds. They get to learn, play, and develop important skills all at the same time #winning. So to all you parents out there, make this first day about the littles. Be excited and encouraging even if it hurts you a little inside. They feed off of you and if they see how ecstatic you are they’ll know it’s all good. Good luck to all you mom’s and dad’s out there and good luck to all your kiddies too! Remember to enjoy the ride along with them:)

“You’re off to great places. Today is your day! You’re mountain is waiting so get on your way!- Dr. Seuss.

Mama Hil.xo

World of Worry

Those who know me well, know that I am a chronic worrier. I’ve been like this as long as I can remember. Uncertainty, fear, and lack of control are what fuel my worry fire. Even as a kid I would worry about certain situations, friendships, skating tests. Anything and everything. As an adult, the worrying by no means has gone away. If anything there is a broader spectrum of things for me to worry about. What used to be a joke and something that I “just was” has now turned into something that has the ability to be debilitating and negatively affect my health and well being. Not so funny now right? My thoughts exactly.

It’s easier for me to compartmentalize my worries by putting them into different sections of life. Lists are very comforting to me (in case my blog setup hasn’t given that away) and it helps me to narrow in on the good and bad of what’s going on in my life at any given time.  Below you will find my specific different areas of worry based on my life and what’s going on in my little world. Everyone is different so if you choose to make a list yours probably won’t look the exact same to mine.

1) Mom Worry- For most mom’s this one comes naturally as soon as we find out we’re pregnant. When your choices don’t just affect you anymore. . .well that’s parenting for you. Becoming a mom definitely intensified my worrying capabilities. I mean I worry about the future more than the now for them. Will they make friends at school? Will they be bullied? Will they be the bully? Will they make the right choices? Will they be kind? I can teach them my values and share my wisdom, but at the end of the day they will be whoever they want and they will make the choices they think are the best for them.

2) Health Worry- This is probably the biggest one for me. Hands up if you like to Google symptoms? It’s something that I do more often than I should for sure and at the end of the day it definitely doesn’t help my worrying. If anything my worrying has affected my health the most. When I worry my body basically screams at me in many different ways. I get tension headaches from clenching my jaw, stomach aches with the most excruciating pain ever (and I’m no wimp in the pain department), and not sleeping resulting in me being incredibly tired. Wanna know the most irritating thing about all of this? It’s completely self inflicted by yours truly. I worry about bigger illnesses and not being here for my kids and my family. It’s a vicious cycle and I can tell you that I rarely come out on top.

3) Relationships- I know that when I am worried and distracted my relationships suffer and I’m not giving my best self to the people I love. I’m too concerned with worrying about circumstances out of my control that I sometimes fail to focus on the here and now. This isn’t fair to my kids, my husband, or to my family and friends. It’s so incredibly important to be present with the people in your life especially your children. Our society makes it harder and harder, but without relationships we are just one lonely person. The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s green where you water it.

4) My self image/purpose- I’m happy to say that as I get older, my sense of needing to be accepted by others has decreased immensely. I have a thicker skin and have more important things in my life than people who don’t care for me. On the flip side, I am always fighting an uphill battle with myself. I’ve previously said that I am extremely hard on myself and if anything that accelerates the worry in the department of my self worth. I worry a lot about not being good enough. Not being fit enough. Not feeling good enough. Not contributing enough. I worry about not achieving enough or being enough for the people who matter most. They may see me as exactly what they need and that I am 100% perfect in their eyes. . .BUT my negative self talk wins everytime. It wins the battle of trying to conquer my worrying and seems to trump the opinions of those that matter most to me.

I get it. This may seem extreme and believe me I know it is. Writing it makes it seem ridiculous and if I had a loved one going through this I would be the first person to say you’re going to kill yourself by worrying so much. I suppose the silver lining (it seems really small), is that I am more aware now than ever  what this is doing to my life. I am stuck in my world of worry and robbing myself of joy and happiness and precious moments in my life and the lives of those I love. Worrying truly brings nothing positive to the table. It brings other negative emotions to the surface. It’s almost like the emotional equivalent to the key to Pandora’s box. Inside are all the bad emotions and worrying just opens all that up again and again.

If you’re reading this and you can relate to it, I hope you decide to take charge in whatever way you need to. I don’t want to be controlled my fear or worry, or uncertainty. I want happiness and joy to lead the way. That is what I would want for those I love so why shouldn’t I want that for myself. Don’t let what ifs take that away from you. Live in the now and everything else will fall into place as it should.

“Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles. It takes away today’s peace.”

Mama Hil.xo

3 Emotions We’ve ALL Felt

As we get older and experience more in life our emotions get deeper and more complex. Events happen, life changes us, and our emotions are no different. Over time we accumulate what some may call “emotional baggage” Some of us have more than others depending on our different experiences and how we reacted (or didn’t react to them).

Some of us wear our emotions on the outside as well as feeling them on the inside. Whereas some people choose to hide them. They know that they’re there, but they have no intentions of letting anyone else see that. No matter what side of the coin you are on, one thing remains the same: WE ALL FEEL EMOTIONS.

There is a lot going on in day to day life. We clearly no longer live in a world of rotary phones and simpler times. There’s a lot of vocabulary, information, and opinions thrown at us every day. In an attempt to simplify things and show similarity I’ve narrowed it down to three emotions that I think we have all felt and could even be feeling at this very moment. You may not have felt all of these things but I am 99.9% sure that you have at least felt one of these emotions at some point in your life.

LONELINESS-  I know that seems so weird because we have so many resources available to us to connect with people. Any day, anywhere, anytime. What we are lacking is the face to face connection. The one on one and deep conversations. You can text a friend for hours, but it ends up getting more irritating waiting for a response and we’ve all been guilty of reading into the tone of a text more than we should. In a time when we are constantly connected we find ourselves feeling more lonely than ever before. If anything it should teach us that we did survive before social networking and when it comes to our relationships with people, it’s okay to go back to basics. In fact, it’s much better for our health.

EXHAUSTION- I’m not just talking about being tired. I’m talking about ache in your bones, brain fog, not enough hours or coffee in the day to keep you going. How awful is it that we run ourselves ragged just to try and keep up or not miss out on something (some of us have a mad case of FOMO). Your brain is tired, you feel like you could cry at the drop of the hat, and it’s a struggle to move your body. Let me say something about this. THIS IS NOT OKAY AND IT CERTAINLY IS NOT HEALTHY. We all say we wish we could slow down but we don’t. Soooo we go on to run ourselves into the ground and then wonder why we feel exhausted? I do it too, but I can also admit that sometimes my exhaustion is self inflicted.

STRESS/ANXIETY- I may get some backlash for saying this, but I do feel as though the word anxiety is thrown around A LOT. That having been said, seeing how busy, and chaotic that life has become, it is no wonder that words such as anxiety have become more common. Stress is something I feel quite often. If I’m not stressing about getting my kids to activities or appointments, than it’s internal stress I put on myself like am I doing enough, am I enough? It’s crummy to think that this is the new normal and we’ve come to a point in time where if you aren’t questioning yourself or stressed out, than you must be doing something wrong. We’re always trying to keep up with something or someone, and stress is just the accomplice that goes along with that.

So yes we definitely have a lot thrown at us on the daily, BUT we have the ability to control how it affects us. Like any great skill, this takes practice, awareness, and wanting to make a change. We need to stop complaining about feeling these emotions which aren’t healthy or beneficial, and make a change. I definitely know I need too not only for my health but also for my sanity. Complaining is the new action. It’s easier to complain than to make a change. What we seem to forget is that what’s happening on social media isn’t as important as what is passing us by in the real world.

So together let’s make a change. Step back and focus on what’s really important. If you’re looking for a sign than here it is. I give you permission (not that you need it by any means), to simplify your life, and actually take your life back.

Mama Hil. xoxoxo