Relationships and Motherhood

Back to School

With September already here, it means that it’s back to school time. Along with that can come an array of emotions. As a mama whose little lady is heading off to kindergarten, that means a whole new chapter not only for her but for me as a stay at home mama too. As I’ve thought about her first day I’ve also realized a trend in the conversations I have about back to school: It seems to be more traumatic for the parents than it is for our little humans. I fall into that category too if we’re being transparent and sometimes I wished the summer would never end. But then I realized that I wanted to flip the script for her sake and for mine. I don’t want to make her first day all about how sad I am. I want to fuel her excitement and let her know that she will have the best time (because it’s kindergarten and they seriously all have a blast). I’ve made a list to keep me accountable (because I love a good list) of all the things I want to remember leading up to that day to make it a positive experience for her even if I’m feeling ridiculously nostalgic.

Kids need their freedom: Just like when parents take a vacation or desperately need a date night, kids also need their space sometimes from mom and dad. That isn’t always necessarily easy when they rely on us for the majority of things and well live under the same roof of us too. As parents we influence a lot of their behaviours and decisions. Sure they all have their own personalities and quirks, but generally we steer them in the direction of right and wrong on a day to day basis. When they start going to school everyday, little by little they will have to start making decisions by themselves. Some days they will be good ones and other days not so good. All of this will be based on their own thoughts and feelings at that given time. It’s all about trial and error and as adults we go through that too (except it’s not as cute when we screw up). This is where they learn the lesson about the choices they make and the consequences that come along with that using their own judgement. It’s so good for them to learn and as parents it’s awesome to see your child come into their own even more.

They will make friends: Since it seems tedious to make new friends more as an adult (come on you feel that too), we forget that for kids it’s just a matter of saying hi. Simple, direct and to the point. Within a matter of minutes they have ten best friends, have gotten into five different fights, made up from those fights, and played twenty different games. It seems exhausting to us, but to them it’s just another day. Kids aren’t judgemental, they don’t care if you’re a boy or a girl, and they really don’t care what game they’re playing. They are basic creatures who like to play and have some company doing it. They put adults to shame in terms of acceptance, face to face interaction, and FUN! Of course there will be hard days, that comes with relationships, but each day to them is brand new. They wipe the slate clean and they don’t focus on what happened yesterday. They’re just ready to learn and play with their new friends.

Going to school EVERYDAY is okay: This topic is one of debate amongst parents of kindergarteners. Some say it’s too much and they’re too young and others think that it’s good for them especially when first grade rolls around. Personally I agree with the latter point of view but like I’ve said before #youdoyou My theory is the great thing about kids is that they have endless amounts of energy. I wish I could bottle that up. Are they going to be tired? Yep. Will they fall asleep on the bus or eating dinner? Most likely. But it’s mainly because they are soaking up all sorts of change. Kids go go go until their battery is completely drained. That’s all they know how to do and they definitely don’t want to miss anything. Of course there will be an adjustment period that comes with any sort of change, but I don’t think it’s fair to project our possibly fearful emotions onto them. If they seem extra tired, that’s normal. If you choose to keep them home one day a week, then do what works best for you and your family. All I’m saying is to give them a chance because they have a way of surprising us. Kids take it day by day and so should we.

Kindergarten is just the beginning: In this season of life, especially if this is your first child going off to school, kindergarten seems HUGE. It looks big and scary and life altering. Many times that’s how we approach change. As a big scary monster lurking in the shadows. But how do our kids see it? As an adventure and a mountain that they are for sure going to climb. I always try to put things into perspective and think about the big picture. Sending your child to kindergarten compared to seeing them go off to college or university. See what I mean? I will cross that emotionally charged bridge when I get to it. Just look forward instead of backwards. Sure they aren’t little babies anymore, but think about when they see you after school how excited they are going to be. They will have hundreds of different stories to tell you (some you will hear over and over again) and they will have artwork and accomplishments that they can’t wait to share with you. With the hard comes the amazing especially when it comes to our kiddies.

So yes you are most certainly allowed to be nostalgic. You’ve earned that right. And yes I do have a heart but I am merely speaking from previous experience. My oldest son is cruising into grade five and I can still remember his very first day of school. It was hard but I can say firsthand how transformative and awesome kindergarten was for him. If you think of it, it’s the best of both worlds. They get to learn, play, and develop important skills all at the same time #winning. So to all you parents out there, make this first day about the littles. Be excited and encouraging even if it hurts you a little inside. They feed off of you and if they see how ecstatic you are they’ll know it’s all good. Good luck to all you mom’s and dad’s out there and good luck to all your kiddies too! Remember to enjoy the ride along with them:)

“You’re off to great places. Today is your day! You’re mountain is waiting so get on your way!- Dr. Seuss.

Mama Hil.xo

World of Worry

Those who know me well, know that I am a chronic worrier. I’ve been like this as long as I can remember. Uncertainty, fear, and lack of control are what fuel my worry fire. Even as a kid I would worry about certain situations, friendships, skating tests. Anything and everything. As an adult, the worrying by no means has gone away. If anything there is a broader spectrum of things for me to worry about. What used to be a joke and something that I “just was” has now turned into something that has the ability to be debilitating and negatively affect my health and well being. Not so funny now right? My thoughts exactly.

It’s easier for me to compartmentalize my worries by putting them into different sections of life. Lists are very comforting to me (in case my blog setup hasn’t given that away) and it helps me to narrow in on the good and bad of what’s going on in my life at any given time.  Below you will find my specific different areas of worry based on my life and what’s going on in my little world. Everyone is different so if you choose to make a list yours probably won’t look the exact same to mine.

1) Mom Worry- For most mom’s this one comes naturally as soon as we find out we’re pregnant. When your choices don’t just affect you anymore. . .well that’s parenting for you. Becoming a mom definitely intensified my worrying capabilities. I mean I worry about the future more than the now for them. Will they make friends at school? Will they be bullied? Will they be the bully? Will they make the right choices? Will they be kind? I can teach them my values and share my wisdom, but at the end of the day they will be whoever they want and they will make the choices they think are the best for them.

2) Health Worry- This is probably the biggest one for me. Hands up if you like to Google symptoms? It’s something that I do more often than I should for sure and at the end of the day it definitely doesn’t help my worrying. If anything my worrying has affected my health the most. When I worry my body basically screams at me in many different ways. I get tension headaches from clenching my jaw, stomach aches with the most excruciating pain ever (and I’m no wimp in the pain department), and not sleeping resulting in me being incredibly tired. Wanna know the most irritating thing about all of this? It’s completely self inflicted by yours truly. I worry about bigger illnesses and not being here for my kids and my family. It’s a vicious cycle and I can tell you that I rarely come out on top.

3) Relationships- I know that when I am worried and distracted my relationships suffer and I’m not giving my best self to the people I love. I’m too concerned with worrying about circumstances out of my control that I sometimes fail to focus on the here and now. This isn’t fair to my kids, my husband, or to my family and friends. It’s so incredibly important to be present with the people in your life especially your children. Our society makes it harder and harder, but without relationships we are just one lonely person. The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s green where you water it.

4) My self image/purpose- I’m happy to say that as I get older, my sense of needing to be accepted by others has decreased immensely. I have a thicker skin and have more important things in my life than people who don’t care for me. On the flip side, I am always fighting an uphill battle with myself. I’ve previously said that I am extremely hard on myself and if anything that accelerates the worry in the department of my self worth. I worry a lot about not being good enough. Not being fit enough. Not feeling good enough. Not contributing enough. I worry about not achieving enough or being enough for the people who matter most. They may see me as exactly what they need and that I am 100% perfect in their eyes. . .BUT my negative self talk wins everytime. It wins the battle of trying to conquer my worrying and seems to trump the opinions of those that matter most to me.

I get it. This may seem extreme and believe me I know it is. Writing it makes it seem ridiculous and if I had a loved one going through this I would be the first person to say you’re going to kill yourself by worrying so much. I suppose the silver lining (it seems really small), is that I am more aware now than ever  what this is doing to my life. I am stuck in my world of worry and robbing myself of joy and happiness and precious moments in my life and the lives of those I love. Worrying truly brings nothing positive to the table. It brings other negative emotions to the surface. It’s almost like the emotional equivalent to the key to Pandora’s box. Inside are all the bad emotions and worrying just opens all that up again and again.

If you’re reading this and you can relate to it, I hope you decide to take charge in whatever way you need to. I don’t want to be controlled my fear or worry, or uncertainty. I want happiness and joy to lead the way. That is what I would want for those I love so why shouldn’t I want that for myself. Don’t let what ifs take that away from you. Live in the now and everything else will fall into place as it should.

“Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles. It takes away today’s peace.”

Mama Hil.xo

3 Emotions We’ve ALL Felt

As we get older and experience more in life our emotions get deeper and more complex. Events happen, life changes us, and our emotions are no different. Over time we accumulate what some may call “emotional baggage” Some of us have more than others depending on our different experiences and how we reacted (or didn’t react to them).

Some of us wear our emotions on the outside as well as feeling them on the inside. Whereas some people choose to hide them. They know that they’re there, but they have no intentions of letting anyone else see that. No matter what side of the coin you are on, one thing remains the same: WE ALL FEEL EMOTIONS.

There is a lot going on in day to day life. We clearly no longer live in a world of rotary phones and simpler times. There’s a lot of vocabulary, information, and opinions thrown at us every day. In an attempt to simplify things and show similarity I’ve narrowed it down to three emotions that I think we have all felt and could even be feeling at this very moment. You may not have felt all of these things but I am 99.9% sure that you have at least felt one of these emotions at some point in your life.

LONELINESS-  I know that seems so weird because we have so many resources available to us to connect with people. Any day, anywhere, anytime. What we are lacking is the face to face connection. The one on one and deep conversations. You can text a friend for hours, but it ends up getting more irritating waiting for a response and we’ve all been guilty of reading into the tone of a text more than we should. In a time when we are constantly connected we find ourselves feeling more lonely than ever before. If anything it should teach us that we did survive before social networking and when it comes to our relationships with people, it’s okay to go back to basics. In fact, it’s much better for our health.

EXHAUSTION- I’m not just talking about being tired. I’m talking about ache in your bones, brain fog, not enough hours or coffee in the day to keep you going. How awful is it that we run ourselves ragged just to try and keep up or not miss out on something (some of us have a mad case of FOMO). Your brain is tired, you feel like you could cry at the drop of the hat, and it’s a struggle to move your body. Let me say something about this. THIS IS NOT OKAY AND IT CERTAINLY IS NOT HEALTHY. We all say we wish we could slow down but we don’t. Soooo we go on to run ourselves into the ground and then wonder why we feel exhausted? I do it too, but I can also admit that sometimes my exhaustion is self inflicted.

STRESS/ANXIETY- I may get some backlash for saying this, but I do feel as though the word anxiety is thrown around A LOT. That having been said, seeing how busy, and chaotic that life has become, it is no wonder that words such as anxiety have become more common. Stress is something I feel quite often. If I’m not stressing about getting my kids to activities or appointments, than it’s internal stress I put on myself like am I doing enough, am I enough? It’s crummy to think that this is the new normal and we’ve come to a point in time where if you aren’t questioning yourself or stressed out, than you must be doing something wrong. We’re always trying to keep up with something or someone, and stress is just the accomplice that goes along with that.

So yes we definitely have a lot thrown at us on the daily, BUT we have the ability to control how it affects us. Like any great skill, this takes practice, awareness, and wanting to make a change. We need to stop complaining about feeling these emotions which aren’t healthy or beneficial, and make a change. I definitely know I need too not only for my health but also for my sanity. Complaining is the new action. It’s easier to complain than to make a change. What we seem to forget is that what’s happening on social media isn’t as important as what is passing us by in the real world.

So together let’s make a change. Step back and focus on what’s really important. If you’re looking for a sign than here it is. I give you permission (not that you need it by any means), to simplify your life, and actually take your life back.

Mama Hil. xoxoxo

 

 

Things I should care about. . .but don’t

There are a lot of opinions out there on just about every topic you can imagine. Parenting is no exception to this. Social media definitely inflates this and can sometimes drive a parent to the brink of insanity by making us think that we need to care about anything and everything. I’m here to say that there are quite a few things when it comes to parenting my children that I just don’t care about. Sorry, they just aren’t on my radar. I am sharing them in an effort to perhaps help another parent who maybe feels the same way but doesn’t want to feel like a) a bad parent or b) like they are the only crazy one out there. Never fear I’m right here with you. So here it goes- the list of things I don’t care about but sometimes feel like I should.

Cleaning my kids toys- Nope sorry. I hate cleaning as it is and once my kids go to bed sitting down and wiping every single toy they touched is not high on my priority list. The dog just had it in there mouth? Cool. Dropped it in dirt? I’ll just wipe it on my already dirty shirt and we’ll be good to go. Germs are everywhere and I’m just not that mom that is going to try and fight every single one.

Packaged snacks in my kids lunches- My kids always get fruit and veggies in their lunches. I always say they eat better during the week when I have to make their lunches than they do on the weekends (cereal for lunch? sure thing!) BUT I don’t skimp on the slightly sugary snacks either. So yes my kids will get teddy grahams and fruit gummies in their lunches along with the good stuff. It’s the little things in life that really put a smile on their faces, so the sugar will remain in the lunchbox.

Occupying my kids ALL THE TIME- I love my kids obviously, but at some point all children need to learn how to occupy themselves and use their IMAGINATION. Nowadays it seems as though there is this pressure be on our kids all the time. CONSTANTLY engaging with them, activities for them to do, places to go and educate them. I am a firm believer that like adults, sometimes kids just need to be left alone. Don’t poke the bear. I am all for doing fun things with your kids but at the same time independent play is a beautiful thing not only for them but for you too.

Where my kids go to school- I could be totally wrong here, but I always believed that there are rough crowds everywhere. Every school has them. Elementary school, high school, colleges and universities, catholic, private, whatever may be out there. Real life entails some pretty rough and not so great people too. What school you go to doesn’t indicate what type of person you are going to be. All you can do is trust that your kids will choose to surround themselves with people that care about them.

At the end  of the day “to each their own” You do you and I’ll do me. If there is anything that becoming a parent has taught me it’s that you need to pick your battles, toughen up your skin, and don’t lose sight of what is really important.

Stay in your lane and do what works best for your fam jam. It’s okay to agree to disagree. Every parent is different, every child is different, and every family is different. We’re all just flying by the seat of our pants most of the time anyways. So let’s raise a glass (it’s 5 o’clock somewhere) and show some solidarity with fellow parents. At the end of the day we all end up feeling like snack bitches, chauffeurs, maids, and personal chefs on the daily.

If there is anything I want you to take away from this it’s a good laugh and the feeling of knowing that you aren’t alone. You’re never alone

Mama Hil.xo

 

Back to Basics

I have identified as a lot of different things in life. I think as people we go through different seasons and our identity shifts. Sometimes it’s good and seamless, and sometimes it’s difficult and confusing. Certain seasons we aren’t really sure which way we’re going or how things are going to turn out. We want to label our purpose in life and compartmentalize it so we feel better. Such as “Okay this is my job and this is what I get up and do everyday. So if people ask I have an appropriate answer and I feel like I am contributing to society.”

But what if you don’t have an exact answer? Does the unknown make you any less of a person? I believe that is my stage right now. Hold on because there is a big dose of raw honesty coming your way so bare with me.

Let me give you a snapshot of my life. I have an amazing husband. He is straight up my best friend and he loves and appreciates me in all of my quirkiness. We have three amazing kids who challenge me on the daily, but bring so much joy and love to my life at the same time. We live on a dairy farm where I am happily surrounded by animals from cows to dogs on a daily basis. Believe me when I say that I am so incredibly grateful, lucky and blessed.

Prior to our youngest son being born, I felt as though I was very much contributing to our life on the farm. I was stay at home mama and calf feeder and I felt as though I had the best of both worlds.

As per usual though, life happens. After our youngest was born my “title” you could say as well as my identity shifted. I found myself more of a stay at home mom and less of a contributing factor to the farm itself.

Never in my life have I been a stay at home mom. There has always been something else along with it. Waitress, accounting assistant, calf feeder. It took me quite a few months, post partum depression, and probably too many glasses of wine to realize that this transition had been harder on me than I originally thought. . .

I love being home with my kids. 100% I had always hoped that I would get to do something that allowed me to be with them majority of the time. Everyone is different, but for me it was always something I had wished and hoped for. So obviously A LOT of guilt came with me wanting something else to go along with it. What’s the saying? “Remember when you prayed for the things you have now.” So there was mom guilt right in my face. Loud, ugly, and not easily ignored.

Lately I’ve been trying to fill the void with fitness/ accountability coaching and it hasn’t been the most positive experience for me. Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn right? I enjoy working out, pushing myself, and taking care of my health and well being. But as I’ve come to realize, it has been hard for me to motivate others without feeling like I’m in their face or being all salesman like. I love posting my videos and pictures of my progress, but I realized that I enjoy doing that more to keep myself accountable.

It’s safe to say that I fell into the trap of trying to be like those I see and follow on social media. What they were doing worked for them so it would probably work for me too right?! Duh Hil, major no. What sets their soul on fire might not to do the same for me. I just finished reading my second book by one of my favourites Gretchen Rubin. One of the splendid truths in her books is to simply “Be Gretchen.” Stay true to herself and do what makes her happy and fills her cup no matter what others may think or feel.

Needless to say this struck a chord with me. You know one of those light bulb moments where you read the line over and over again because it makes so much sense to you. I realized that I needed to do something along the same lines. “Be  Hilary”I need to step back and get back to the basics of well. . .me. What I love, what is important to me, and what contributes to my happiness in this life.

Today in social media I see a lot of kick ass women out there doing there thing and rocking the world. They are go big or go home type ladies, and they are ready to take on the world. That is so incredibly amazing. . .but it’s also not for everyone out there. It’s okay to not want to be a big CEO, boss babe who travels all over the place and has a hundred thousand followers on Instagram. Yes it does work for some, but if the idea of that doesn’t excite you than regardless of what is on social media or what society tells you. . .You have to be okay with that. You have to be okay with forging your own path and doing your own thing. It’s going to be difficult and you”ll probably feel uncomfortable. I know it’s easier said than done and trust me I’m working on it too.

When it’s all said and done we are constantly changing and evolving. Sometimes you know exactly who you are and what you’re doing and other times life makes it a little trickier. You have to dig deep, get uncomfortable, and take a good hard look at yourself.

Right now I’m trying (key word being try), to dial back the pressure I put on myself as well as the pressure I may feel from outside sources. I’m trying to focus on what is most important to me and channel all my energy into that.

Who you are and what you do can and will change throughout your life. Of that I am 100% certain. How you embrace it is a choice that only you can make.

Me? I’m bring it back to the basics.:)

Mama Hil.xo

 

Are you pregnant yet?

Excuse my lack of communication on my website for so long. Sometimes my words don’t always come out the way I want them to or I would write a post but it just didn’t sound right so I hit that good ol delete button.

I’ve actually been experiencing a lot of baby on the brain. Our little girl is almost one and of course as they reach that milestone you don’t get asked the normal questions anymore. Such as, is she walking yet? What kinds of foods does she like? What’s her favourite book? Nope, none of that. Instead people look you right in the eye and say are you pregnant yet? Currently my social media is BLOWING UP with pregnancy announcements, mostly couples we know having their second, third, or even fourth child. I’m not going to lie here. As I scroll through my newsfeed I hold my breath knowing that I am happy for these people but I long to have my pregnancy announcement up there too!

It’s no secret to out friends and family that we have been trying for a few months now. My recovery was really amazing after my daughter and I felt great so why not? Getting pregnant with Molly was like a one and done deal. It happened soooo quickly that I almost died of shock when I saw those two pink lines. Now this time around, things are taking a little longer and while I thought I was getting impatient, everyone around us seems to be even more. Like they’re sick of asking if we are yet, or how’s it going, or saying the famous it’ll happen when it’s meant to happen. Here’s an idea, and I’m including myself for these words of wisdom too, DON’T ASK!!!!!! Right now our friends and us are at the stage in our lives where the weddings are all over and now people are expanding their families. I sense there is a lot of competitiveness going around about who will be the first to announce they are expecting again. I’m just as guilty as the next person for asking the annoying question which is maybe why it’s taking us a little bit longer this time around. I can now semi relate to all those women who are asked repeatedly when they are going to have a baby.

What I am now trying to remind myself is that there could be many scenarios as to why someone isn’t pregnant:

  1. They don’t want to have children (oh my god scandalous! But kudos to you for owning that decision and not letting society make it for you)
  2. They can’t have children- sadly enough this is becoming a more and more common situation. Many women are choosing to take their infertility public in hopes to inspire others going through the same thing. But let’s not forget about those who wish to keep it a private matter an deal with it quietly. They deserve that respect
  3. They don’t want anymore- I’ve always thought it was very cool that you would know one girl who was an only child, but then the girl down the street was the oldest of six. For whatever reason ( and it’s really none of our business) families are played out in a way that works for that family. If you want a house full of kids that’s awesome, but for the families who are content with one child ( or none) that’s just as great and special for them.                                   In conclusion I think together we need to work on sticking our foot in our mouth a little more when it comes to such a private and sensitive subject of having children. You don’t realize how complicated people can make it or how much pressure until it’s staring you right in the face. So how about this? The next time you’re in a conversation with someone and you feel that question  about to come out of you like verbal diarrhea, take a deep breath and say how’s the family?😊

Be here. . .Seriously

The other day I was walking up the back path on our farm with my 6 month old daughter. Just enjoying the warm weather (I LOVE the heat), and I was looking around and thinking about how far I have come not only as a person, but as a mother, wife, friend, every title I have in my life. 6 years ago I couldn’t just walk and be alone with my own thoughts. I would have my headphones in, music as loud as it could go without blowing my ear drums, and walk like I was trying to escape from something. At the time I didn’t know it, but I think subconsciously I was trying to escape from the life I was living. I became a mother for the first time at 19. I don’t expect sympathy because it was my choice and my decision to go down that path in life. Unfortunately for me I didn’t appreciate motherhood for all that it was and all that it could make me. I didn’t appreciate the little moments like walking in nature with my little one, treasuring every smile, and stroking his hair while he slept soundly. So I guess this specific post is about being in the now.

  1. Kids don’t stay kids forever- Right now I have the pleasure of experiencing both ends of the spectrum. I have a 7 year old who has grown and has developed his own personality and way of doing things. He is his own person and makes his own decisions everyday some good and some not so good. Then I have the 6 month old who is fully dependent on me, thinks I’m the funniest person alive, and who can’t stop me when I pinch her cheeks and kiss her face way too much. What I’ve noticed more now than ever is that it truly goes in the blink of an eye. Before you know it this person you have shaped is off doing there own thing, doing their own activities and creating a life away from you. Which I make sound horrible but it’s definitely a positive thing. But this just means that you have to truly appreciate every special little moment with your child. Every age has different moments, and the special moments may change from snuggling, the reading a story together. Whatever it may be, you have to be there for it. Let it consume you and treat it as though this is the most important moment in your life.
  2. Like it or not marriage and relationships change and evolve- I still remember my first date with my husband. The smell of the leather seats in his car, his bright eyes, his dimples, and those working man hands. Now all of those external features are still there, but I may not always notice them in the same way anymore. We get comfortable in our relationships , as you really should being with someone you love and who loves you just as you are. Day to day duties, jobs, kids, stresses seem to engulf you as a couple and before you know it your relationship has changed before your eyes. I believe I have a great marriage, but I also know that I don’t always treasure our special time together. Really soak it all up. Laying in bed talking, watching a show together, just driving around together. Basically having him there. Many people lose spouses whether it’s because of illness, sudden accident, or divorce. So if you are in a good relationship with someone you love, I challenge you to really be grateful for them and appreciate even 5 minutes of alone time you may have. Maybe next time don’t say you’re too tired for sex, or put your phone down and focus on them. This is the person you’ve chosen to spend your life with, and not everyday is roses and rainbows, but treat them with the up most love and respect that you felt the first time you ever met them.
  3. What you have, no matter how small, is worth A LOT- In our home we have mismatched couches, doors in every corner since it’s an old farm house, mismatched dishes, crumbs on our floors, and cobwebs in certain corners. Our home isn’t perfect and neither are the people that live under it’s roof. But the people and relationships are worth more than anything in this house. Some people have the pleasure of having a lot, and others are just scraping by. This is just the way life is, and probably ho it’s always going to be. I believe with age comes wisdom and with that wisdom comes the realization that memories and life and love are built with people and not things. Relationships are what help us all survive this crazy life, and what keep us  going. If I continue to have the people in my life that I have now, and I never make much more than I do now, I could survive. Money does funny things to people and just buys temporary things. Relationships are permanent and can last a lifetime.

So I guess if you take anything away from this just try to appreciate and practice gratefulness for what you do have and the little moments that you are given. They don’t last a lifetime and little moments make up your life. Teach your children and grandchildren and keep the message going on.

Women Who Inspire

It seems fitting to be making this post on Mother’s Day. Happy mother’s day to you mama’s out there! When I say women who inspire I\m not just talking about the usual suspects that come in the form of our mother’s, grandmother’s, sisters, friends. It has occurred to me that I have had the chance to meet women who really make me step back and go “Wow, she is really passionate about what she does” Some of these women I have known for a long time, some I have only met a few times, and some I only communicate with on social media if we are involved in a specific group together. You can either know them very well, or be inspired by what you see when you take a step back. I’m going to list a few and some on the list may seem strange, but being in their presence or even just talking to them has been inspiring at some point.

My Hairdresser- This may seem pretty lame to some and a tiny bit shallow. I have known my hairdresser since I was 4 years old. I look forward to seeing her every time I go in not just because my hair looks amazing when I leave, but because of the conversations I have with her when I’m there. In a world of social media it’s sooo nice to have a good conversation face to face with someone. She has 3 children that are now grown up, but she is always sharing her experiences with me and reminding me that a bad day doesn’t last forever. Whenever I leave her I feel refreshed, hopeful, and energized. Most of all I feel thankful to have her in my life. No matter the circumstance we are introduced to amazing women all the time.

My Essential Oil Guru- Now I haven’t known this woman for very long. I met her at an essential oil party about 3 months ago. She is not only an essential oil enthusiast but a full time kindergarten teacher and a busy mother of three. Her family is what inspired her to start using essential oils due to the fact that they are more natural and better for your overall health. I was captivated by her when she was talking because of her passion, humor, and love of teaching others about essential oils. She is a wealth of knowledge and passion and that is something I really appreciate. Passion is infectious, and there is nothing more beautiful then seeing someone talk about something they love. She has taught me a lot and I appreciate our newfound relationship because of essential oils and for sharing all the knowledge she has to give.

My Massage Therapist- I know I am lucky to be able to have a massage therapist. It’s not something everyone has the luxury of doing. I was fortunate enough to be referred to her by a friend who was going to her for prenatal massage. I was having quite a few aches and pains in my pregnancy and wanted to nip that in the bud if I could. I started going to her every 3 weeks and the rest is history. She allowed me to feel top notch during my pregnancy which isn’t always easy for women. She knows so much about the body especially during pregnancy which made me feel as though I was in very good hands (literally). I still go to her five months after and she has allowed me to transition easily from pregnant mama, to feeling like myself again mama.

Yoga teacher/photographer- This is a women that wears many many hats. She is a yoga teacher, a photographer, a doula, and she specializes in prenatal and post natal care. She is I guess what you would call the typical yoga teacher. She’s very spiritual, likes organic, very chill person. It’s no secret from the people that know me, that I can be a bit high strung. Nothing makes me happier than when I have people in my life that are the exact OPPOSITE of me. I appreciate that they have the qualities that I find so hard to master in myself. Maybe I will never be that type of person and that’s okay. She has not only shown me the awesomeness of yoga, but she was also the photographer for our wedding and newborn photos after our daughter was born. She has seen me go through many phases in my life and I see her as an inspiring golden hearted women who I am lucky to call a friend.

In turn, this list may seem strange to some, but it just goes to show that there are women everywhere that can influence us and make our days a little brighter just by being themselves. All you have to do is look around. How lucky am I that I was introduced to so many inspiring women who have brought nothing but positive energy and happiness into my life 🙂 We can’t possibly have every single amazing quality the world has to offer, people aren’t made to be perfect. It’s refreshing to allow people in our lives that bring qualities and ideas to the table that we might have not even thought of. I hope this encourages you to look around and all the amazing women in your life.xo Happy mother’s day.

What Love is Really All About

We all know the fairy tales and we all have a pretty picture as to how we want our life to be. There’s movies, books, magazines, advertisements, everything that tries to tell us what love is all about. I always thought that somebody didn’t really care about you unless you were getting flowers daily, poems, romantic dinners and candles on a weekly basis. I’ve been in a really crummy relationship that was the polar opposite of that and made me want simpler things like someone staying in with me to watch a movie or going to bed at the same time as me so I don’t have to feel alone. I guess it’s true that you can’t truly appreciate something really great until you have experienced something not so great. Now I’m much more realistic about love, as I’m sure a lot of parents are now. You truly appreciate the little things. So I’ll list a few that my wonderful husband probably doesn’t even realize he’s doing on a daily basis 🙂

1. Changing Poopy Diapers- There is truly nothing sexier to me than a husband who changes a poopy diaper or any diaper for that matter. He never makes a big deal about it and the best part is I can hear him chatting away to our daughter as he’s doing it. He doesn’t know that it’s a very special moment for the two of them and it allows me to get something else done. Like every good thing in life, there are some things that aren’t so great that go along with it. Changing diapers is no ones favourite thing but it has to be done. He gets that and realizes after I’ve done it all day, it helps that he does a few for me.

2. Taking Us Into Town- We live on a dairy farm two minutes from town so not far but far enough to get that country feel. During the day I don’t always get out with my daughter simply because the motivation isn’t there or I don’t really have a purpose to. If my husband needs to go to town to get something, sometimes we’ll all go. We usually stop for a coffee which is a wonderful thing in itself. He doesn’t mind taking us for a drive and getting us out of the house. He clearly enjoys spending time with his family and doesn’t make a big deal about me taking forever to get ready, or having to pack up a diaper bag and lugging a carseat around. It’s those little moments that are actually a really big deal to me.

3. I can use him as a body pillow- I am always cold unless there is heavy humidity in the air. Even then I will wear a sweater. My favourite part of the day is snuggling up to my man pillow to warm up. Even when  I was 9 months pregnant, he didn’t mind feeling baby kicks on his back as I spooned him. I hope that didn’t affect how manly he felt? Whoops, sorry honey 🙂 He gets the tiniest sliver of the bed and no covers some nights. I move constantly when I sleep, I drool on him, and snore like Darth Vadar. But he always lets me cause he knows it brings me comfort and I like having that him and me time.

4. He eats whatever I cook- I try to eat as healthy as I can and my husband is  a typical meat and potatoes kind of guy. I try out new recipes and make things that aren’t always his favourite. There are some nights I cook lazy things like grilled cheese and tomato soup cause I don’t feel like doing anything else. But he always eats it. He doesn’t look at me like I’m crazy, or turn up his nose like my six year old does quite frequently. He simply appreciates that he doesn’t have to cook for himself which makes it easier for me when preparing meals. It’s bad enough having a son who is the first to say when he doesn’t like something (even when he’s had it before). But my hubby sets the example and eats every last bite. Thanks for eating my weird, healthy, lame, 5 minute suppers honey.xo

5. He makes my dreams come true-I love animals. I love their gentle nature and love that they show for you when they are treated properly. I love the cows on our farm, our two dogs, and I fell in love with goats when he took me to a goat farm. Ever since then I have dreamed of having goats of my own, that I can call my pets, and extend my love for animals. Well I am now the proud owner of goats and he made that happen for me. For Christmas I got a homemade goat shed that he made with some friends, and my birthday present were goats of my own. He didn’t make a big deal, he just said okay we’ll do it. How amazing is that? How many women can say my husband got me goats? That’s what I thought.

In conclusion, it’s the little things. Our husbands or partners do things everyday to help us or make us feel loved. We just have to choose to see that. Real love isn’t always roses and candles and poems. Realistic and lasting love is being a team, being a best friend, confidant, shoulder to cry on. I never knew what it meant to marry your best friend until I found mine. I honestly look at him everyday when he doesn’t realize and smile because I have this wonderful person in my life. I highly recommend marrying your best friend, and appreciating all the little things they have to offer. All that adds up and believe me it’s everlasting.

Relationships and Motherhood

We all know that as life changes so do relationships. Some we have our whole lives, some come and go like the seasons. They all generally teach us something whether it’s good bad or ugly. Something I have noticed is that relationships once you are a mother change. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst. I like to think looking back now that big changes like motherhood really show you people true colours. It can be a relationship with a spouse, with close friends, and even family. I’m going to list a few where I noticed the biggest changes and how that can affect you as a person, mother, and human being.

Spousal Relationship- I have two very different experiences. I had my son when I was 19 years old. He is almost 7 now and he is a lot of the reason why I am the way that I am (in the best possible way of course). Unfortunately for his father and for my son, his dad pretty much checked out the day he was born. I don’t want to get too personal but some men and women too just aren’t cut out to be parents. No matter what the circumstance and age, genetically some of us just don’t have that gene in us. A lot of the time it isn’t realized until after the child is born and then that makes things more complicated for everyone. I am married now and together we have a baby girl who is now 5 months old. My husband was ready to be a father and it definitely brings out the best in him. We were a good team before but now we are an even better one. Raising a human being is a lot of work and it truly shows us our strengths, weaknesses, and how much we can actually do with no sleep whatsoever. It’s one of the biggest tests of a relationship because a lot changes for both parties.Your spouse is the only other person who knows EXACTLY what you are going through because they deal with it too.  This time around has been a lot better for me but unfortunately you can never really know until you’re in that position.

Friend Relationships- I’ve heard it all before. From the if you ever need me to watch the baby for a few hours while you nap I will, or I’ll pop over all the time to keep you company. Trouble is, reality hits and people are busy. Plain and simple we all have a lot going on in our lives. Friends who don’t have children find it very hard to relate to you when you have a child. It’s not their fault or yours, it’s just that now your life is consumed with this baby that you grew in your body for 9 months and now get to cuddle and gah gah over as much as you would like. Friendships that you have had all throughout your life are some of the hardest to keep going. You go through so many changes and when  person isn’t at the point you are in your life it can make it hard for both of you to relate as much as you used to. You go from having the chance to see these people as much as you want, to having to plan coffee dates and girls nights out 3 months in advance so you can prepare leaving your child for a few hours, actually getting yourself excited to go somewhere because you are dog tired, and trying your best to feel somewhat normal again for an evening. The good news is that when you do get to see your closest friends, even if it’s once in a blue moon, it’s as though time hasn’t passed at all. They still recognize you as you and understand your need for adult conversation and getting caught up on all the gossip you have missed in your baby bubble. It’s always quality over quantity. Treasure those 3 hour coffee chats, and 6 months in advance trips to the spa. That is going to be what you remember when you look back and reflect on your friendships.

Family Relationships- The teenage years seem to be when we really try to ignore our parents, get embarrassed by them, and think that they know nothing about life. Cause you know everything right? Becoming a parent yourself makes you realize that when you were younger, you knew ABSOLUTELY NOTHING and your parents knew EVERYTHING.Damn it. For the most part, these relationships become the strongest and more important in your life. After all, they are what shape you as a person, and your children are going to learn from the relationship that you not only have with them, but your own parents and family members too. It’s easy to say that Family is really important, but when you are building one of your very own it really becomes a reality. In most families, of course there are always the exceptions, they are the group of people that truly want the best for you. They’ve seen you through EVERY SINGLE STAGE of your life. From pooping in your diaper, to your first really bad break up, to having your first child. Now they will be there all over again for birthday parties, graduations, weddings, you name it. Family will always be there.

Relationships are always what you are going to be remembered for. Doesn’t matter if you have 5 friends or 50 friends. Either way you are going to be remembered by the people who knew you the best. People come and go from your life, that’s just the way it goes. At the time it seems more tragic than it really is because you don’t always see the bigger picture. The bigger picture is that, it’s the people that stuck around, were there when you needed them, backed off when you needed that too, and who have seen you hit rock bottom and climb the highest mountain. Motherhood makes you appreciate relationships because you want the very best for your children and want them to have people like that in their lives too. It makes you realize not only what is important but who is important. Motherhood gives you the reality check you have probably always needed, and the clarity when it comes to who people truly are. Thank goodness for motherhood. It’s a swift kick in the ass in the best possible way 🙂