Staying at Home – mamahildotcom

I have identified as a lot of different things in life. I think as people we go through different seasons and our identity shifts. Sometimes it’s good and seamless, and sometimes it’s difficult and confusing. Certain seasons we aren’t really sure which way we’re going or how things are going to turn out. We want to label our purpose in life and compartmentalize it so we feel better. Such as “Okay this is my job and this is what I get up and do everyday. So if people ask I have an appropriate answer and I feel like I am contributing to society.”

But what if you don’t have an exact answer? Does the unknown make you any less of a person? I believe that is my stage right now. Hold on because there is a big dose of raw honesty coming your way so bare with me.

Let me give you a snapshot of my life. I have an amazing husband. He is straight up my best friend and he loves and appreciates me in all of my quirkiness. We have three amazing kids who challenge me on the daily, but bring so much joy and love to my life at the same time. We live on a dairy farm where I am happily surrounded by animals from cows to dogs on a daily basis. Believe me when I say that I am so incredibly grateful, lucky and blessed.

Prior to our youngest son being born, I felt as though I was very much contributing to our life on the farm. I was stay at home mama and calf feeder and I felt as though I had the best of both worlds.

As per usual though, life happens. After our youngest was born my “title” you could say as well as my identity shifted. I found myself more of a stay at home mom and less of a contributing factor to the farm itself.

Never in my life have I been a stay at home mom. There has always been something else along with it. Waitress, accounting assistant, calf feeder. It took me quite a few months, post partum depression, and probably too many glasses of wine to realize that this transition had been harder on me than I originally thought. . .

I love being home with my kids. 100% I had always hoped that I would get to do something that allowed me to be with them majority of the time. Everyone is different, but for me it was always something I had wished and hoped for. So obviously A LOT of guilt came with me wanting something else to go along with it. What’s the saying? “Remember when you prayed for the things you have now.” So there was mom guilt right in my face. Loud, ugly, and not easily ignored.

Lately I’ve been trying to fill the void with fitness/ accountability coaching and it hasn’t been the most positive experience for me. Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn right? I enjoy working out, pushing myself, and taking care of my health and well being. But as I’ve come to realize, it has been hard for me to motivate others without feeling like I’m in their face or being all salesman like. I love posting my videos and pictures of my progress, but I realized that I enjoy doing that more to keep myself accountable.

It’s safe to say that I fell into the trap of trying to be like those I see and follow on social media. What they were doing worked for them so it would probably work for me too right?! Duh Hil, major no. What sets their soul on fire might not to do the same for me. I just finished reading my second book by one of my favourites Gretchen Rubin. One of the splendid truths in her books is to simply “Be Gretchen.” Stay true to herself and do what makes her happy and fills her cup no matter what others may think or feel.

Needless to say this struck a chord with me. You know one of those light bulb moments where you read the line over and over again because it makes so much sense to you. I realized that I needed to do something along the same lines. “Be Hilary”I need to step back and get back to the basics of well. . .me. What I love, what is important to me, and what contributes to my happiness in this life.

Today in social media I see a lot of kick ass women out there doing there thing and rocking the world. They are go big or go home type ladies, and they are ready to take on the world. That is so incredibly amazing. . .but it’s also not for everyone out there. It’s okay to not want to be a big CEO, boss babe who travels all over the place and has a hundred thousand followers on Instagram. Yes it does work for some, but if the idea of that doesn’t excite you than regardless of what is on social media or what society tells you. . .You have to be okay with that. You have to be okay with forging your own path and doing your own thing. It’s going to be difficult and you”ll probably feel uncomfortable. I know it’s easier said than done and trust me I’m working on it too.

When it’s all said and done we are constantly changing and evolving. Sometimes you know exactly who you are and what you’re doing and other times life makes it a little trickier. You have to dig deep, get uncomfortable, and take a good hard look at yourself.

Right now I’m trying (key word being try), to dial back the pressure I put on myself as well as the pressure I may feel from outside sources. I’m trying to focus on what is most important to me and channel all my energy into that.

Who you are and what you do can and will change throughout your life. Of that I am 100% certain. How you embrace it is a choice that only you can make.

Me? I’m bring it back to the basics.:)

Mama Hil.xo

The title of this blog may seem strange to some. I thought only working mom’s had the weight of the world on their shoulders? I think it’s safe to say that all mom’s tend to carry the weight of not only their lives, but for the people they love as well. Whether you work away from home, at home, or caring for your children is your full time job, it’s all hard and you are certainly not alone in thinking that. I have been a working away from home mom, and now I am able to stay at home with my children. I didn’t realize the pressure, guilt, and stress that mom’s who stay at home put on themselves. . .until I became one. I’ll admit I thought it would be so nice. I would be able to go out for coffee with fellow mom friends, have the cleanest house on the block, and cook three course meals every night for my husband and kids to enjoy. WRONG! I’m lucky if I get a shower in, there is always some sort of food on my kitchen floor that I let the dogs vacuum up, and I still go through the drive thru when I realize that it’s dinner time and I have nothing out for supper. Whoops! SOOOO I thought I would list some of the pressures that I have been feeling the most during my time at home:

TAKE YOUR CHILD TO EVERY PLAY GROUP KNOWN TO MAN KIND- It’s true that play groups are a good way to get out of the house, keep your sanity, and if you’re lucky maybe make some new mommy friends. But sometimes getting out of the house seems like the worst idea in the world. Sometimes we just want to stay at home with our children, stay in our pajamas, and nurse our cups of coffee without wrangling kids out of the door on a time crunch. Years ago, there weren’t any play groups and I think we turned out just fine. No one should dictate to you what you should do with your own children.
YOU MUST MAKE FRIENDS WITH EVERY MOTHER YOU MEET- When I do venture out to play groups my main priority is to have a fun time with my children and to get us out of the house for a bit. Some mom’s feel as though they have to connect and get every mother’s phone number they meet and set up coffee dates and play dates. Truth is, motherhood can be it’s own form of high school. You aren’t going to like every mom you meet, I could name a few, and they aren’t always going to like you. Accept it and don’t feel like you have to change who you are and what kind of parent you are. Enjoy the time with your children!
WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY?- This is the worst question a spouse could ask to someone who has been at home looking after children all day. I think kept our children alive is a valid response. Some days it does seem like survival and that is a normality in the parenting world. If you try to have at least one day a week where you are really productive like cleaning the bathrooms, or making an extra special meal, or catching up on laundry, then that is a really big deal for you! Time gets away on us, and spending quality time reading or laughing with your child is more important than dishes in the sink, or clothes waiting to be folded. Don’t worry they will be waiting for you at the end of the day 🙂
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE MONEY?- It’s true that being a parent is a full time job. Unfortunately parents don’t get paid what they’re worth. There’s a reason there are so many companies that are run from mom’s (and even dad’s) who are at home. Think Epicure, Thirty One, Pampered Chef, Scentsy, the list goes on. I know women who work for these companies and they absolutely love it. They get some extra cash in their pockets and everyone is happy at the end of the day. But there are parents who don’t feel like they need to do this nor do they want to. And that’s okay. If you and your spouse have figured out your financial situation and you not earning money doesn’t cause added stress, then count your lucky stars. Don’t feel like you have to be roped into selling people things they don’t really need. Spend your days the way that works best for you.

I could truly go on and on, but I think you get the point. We are all faced with pressures whether you’re at an office all day, or your living room is your office. We wouldn’t want our kids to be pressured into things they don’t want to do, so why should we be any different. Do your thing, and if someone has a problem with it, feel free to tell them where they need to go 🙂