mommin

Give Yourself A Break

Well summer is officially here. The kids are PUMPED and the questions of “What are we doing today?!” or “Where are we going?!” are upon us. Every summer I worry that I’m not going to have enough for my kiddies to do or they are going to look back and think “That was the worst summer ever.” While I do have day trips planned I’ve decided to “TRY” and be chill this summer. Take the pressure off of myself and get rid of the guilt that can sometimes consume me. In true Mama Hil fashion here is a list of ways I plan to take it easy on myself (feel free to be inspired and do the same for yourself).

1- Let my kids play. . .by themselves! Crazy concept I know. Use your imagination kids! I remember when I was a kid, after a school year of been hovered over by teachers, I wanted my parents to give me some space. I get sucked into feeling guilty as a parent and feel like I should ALWAYS be right with my kids doing what they’re doing. I have come to realize though that when I get involved too much, I either annoy my kids or that’s when the fights break out (go figure). So this summer parents, when your kids are hanging outside, pull up a lawn chair, maybe read that book that’s collecting dust, and let their creativity take over for them.

2- Yes my kids will have screen time this summer. . .#sorrynotsorry Some parents are very strict about screen time with their kids. That is totally cool with me #youdoyou. We all have certain things we’re more strict with. There is no right way to parent and every kid is different. But in the morning when I am trying to make myself presentable (you’re welcome) or if I’m looking for just a half hour of quiet time, the tv will most likely be going on. Just like adults need their chill time, kids like that too. So if you need just a few moments of sanity, than feel free to flip on that telly.

3- It’s okay to not go on a million road trips- A lot of the time kids think because they are on summer vacation, the rest of the world is too. Sorry kids. There are summer camps for a reason. Parents work and still have to adult throughout the week. As a parent, guilt once again may trick you into believing that you have to drive for a few hours in every direction to really mean that you took your kids somewhere. Most times I find that taking your kid to your towns splash pad or park is more exciting for them than anything you took months planning. Think like a kid this summer. Keep it simple and realize that if you’re working all summer and don’t have the ability to take your kids all over, chances are they are totally okay with it.

4- Smores, watermelon, and ice cream on the menu- Come summertime, parents no longer have to pack lunches (bonus) and the heat implies yummy treats and smore filled fire nights. Somedays your kids aren’t going to eat all their fruits and vegetables, and it may seem like their diet consists of more sugar than usual. Having a bit more sugar, and relaxed menu throughout the summer won’t destroy your kids for life. I remember living off popsicles on really hot days, and hot dogs because we clearly had sophisticated pallets. Maybe take it down a notch and remember what it was like to be a kid. Most of us turned out just fine. Spending more time outside is more beneficial than planning a five course meal every night.

5- Yes splash pads and pools do count as baths- Sandboxes, chlorine, beach days, sweating everywhere days, and that campfire smell. All of these things are the smells and grosseness (totally not a word but oh well) of summer. Chances are after long days and late nights, your kids aren’t going to be bathed as regularly. Parents are tired and we all know how kids feel about bathing. Kids don’t smell as much as adults do (sorry parents you need to keep showering for obvious reasons) so not bathing them EVERY SINGLE DAY doesn’t make you a bad parent. Loosen the reins and realize that if someone has an issue with your dirty kids, chances are they either don’t have children of their own, have serious control issues, or aren’t really your kind of people anyways.

I could go on and on about becoming more chill this summer and I get that for most of us it’s hard. One thing I’m pretty strict on is keeping a semi decent bedtime because come September it’ll be a tricky transition back into the school routine if I don’t. See, we all have our thing. Maybe you are thinking “I cancel my cable for the summer for no screen time” or “My kids will have no extra sugar over the summer” and that is completely cool with me. As parents we all feel guilty about different things, and we all definitely have very different kids. Some need structure, and some love to be wild and free over the summer. My Motto for this summer is “If it doesn’t go with the flow, than let it go.” Stay on your path, do what you wanna do for the summer, and lay off on the comparison and guilt trips for a few months. Your sanity will thank you.

Mama Hil.xo

 

World of Worry

Those who know me well, know that I am a chronic worrier. I’ve been like this as long as I can remember. Uncertainty, fear, and lack of control are what fuel my worry fire. Even as a kid I would worry about certain situations, friendships, skating tests. Anything and everything. As an adult, the worrying by no means has gone away. If anything there is a broader spectrum of things for me to worry about. What used to be a joke and something that I “just was” has now turned into something that has the ability to be debilitating and negatively affect my health and well being. Not so funny now right? My thoughts exactly.

It’s easier for me to compartmentalize my worries by putting them into different sections of life. Lists are very comforting to me (in case my blog setup hasn’t given that away) and it helps me to narrow in on the good and bad of what’s going on in my life at any given time.  Below you will find my specific different areas of worry based on my life and what’s going on in my little world. Everyone is different so if you choose to make a list yours probably won’t look the exact same to mine.

1) Mom Worry- For most mom’s this one comes naturally as soon as we find out we’re pregnant. When your choices don’t just affect you anymore. . .well that’s parenting for you. Becoming a mom definitely intensified my worrying capabilities. I mean I worry about the future more than the now for them. Will they make friends at school? Will they be bullied? Will they be the bully? Will they make the right choices? Will they be kind? I can teach them my values and share my wisdom, but at the end of the day they will be whoever they want and they will make the choices they think are the best for them.

2) Health Worry- This is probably the biggest one for me. Hands up if you like to Google symptoms? It’s something that I do more often than I should for sure and at the end of the day it definitely doesn’t help my worrying. If anything my worrying has affected my health the most. When I worry my body basically screams at me in many different ways. I get tension headaches from clenching my jaw, stomach aches with the most excruciating pain ever (and I’m no wimp in the pain department), and not sleeping resulting in me being incredibly tired. Wanna know the most irritating thing about all of this? It’s completely self inflicted by yours truly. I worry about bigger illnesses and not being here for my kids and my family. It’s a vicious cycle and I can tell you that I rarely come out on top.

3) Relationships- I know that when I am worried and distracted my relationships suffer and I’m not giving my best self to the people I love. I’m too concerned with worrying about circumstances out of my control that I sometimes fail to focus on the here and now. This isn’t fair to my kids, my husband, or to my family and friends. It’s so incredibly important to be present with the people in your life especially your children. Our society makes it harder and harder, but without relationships we are just one lonely person. The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s green where you water it.

4) My self image/purpose- I’m happy to say that as I get older, my sense of needing to be accepted by others has decreased immensely. I have a thicker skin and have more important things in my life than people who don’t care for me. On the flip side, I am always fighting an uphill battle with myself. I’ve previously said that I am extremely hard on myself and if anything that accelerates the worry in the department of my self worth. I worry a lot about not being good enough. Not being fit enough. Not feeling good enough. Not contributing enough. I worry about not achieving enough or being enough for the people who matter most. They may see me as exactly what they need and that I am 100% perfect in their eyes. . .BUT my negative self talk wins everytime. It wins the battle of trying to conquer my worrying and seems to trump the opinions of those that matter most to me.

I get it. This may seem extreme and believe me I know it is. Writing it makes it seem ridiculous and if I had a loved one going through this I would be the first person to say you’re going to kill yourself by worrying so much. I suppose the silver lining (it seems really small), is that I am more aware now than ever  what this is doing to my life. I am stuck in my world of worry and robbing myself of joy and happiness and precious moments in my life and the lives of those I love. Worrying truly brings nothing positive to the table. It brings other negative emotions to the surface. It’s almost like the emotional equivalent to the key to Pandora’s box. Inside are all the bad emotions and worrying just opens all that up again and again.

If you’re reading this and you can relate to it, I hope you decide to take charge in whatever way you need to. I don’t want to be controlled my fear or worry, or uncertainty. I want happiness and joy to lead the way. That is what I would want for those I love so why shouldn’t I want that for myself. Don’t let what ifs take that away from you. Live in the now and everything else will fall into place as it should.

“Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles. It takes away today’s peace.”

Mama Hil.xo

Things I should care about. . .but don’t

There are a lot of opinions out there on just about every topic you can imagine. Parenting is no exception to this. Social media definitely inflates this and can sometimes drive a parent to the brink of insanity by making us think that we need to care about anything and everything. I’m here to say that there are quite a few things when it comes to parenting my children that I just don’t care about. Sorry, they just aren’t on my radar. I am sharing them in an effort to perhaps help another parent who maybe feels the same way but doesn’t want to feel like a) a bad parent or b) like they are the only crazy one out there. Never fear I’m right here with you. So here it goes- the list of things I don’t care about but sometimes feel like I should.

Cleaning my kids toys- Nope sorry. I hate cleaning as it is and once my kids go to bed sitting down and wiping every single toy they touched is not high on my priority list. The dog just had it in there mouth? Cool. Dropped it in dirt? I’ll just wipe it on my already dirty shirt and we’ll be good to go. Germs are everywhere and I’m just not that mom that is going to try and fight every single one.

Packaged snacks in my kids lunches- My kids always get fruit and veggies in their lunches. I always say they eat better during the week when I have to make their lunches than they do on the weekends (cereal for lunch? sure thing!) BUT I don’t skimp on the slightly sugary snacks either. So yes my kids will get teddy grahams and fruit gummies in their lunches along with the good stuff. It’s the little things in life that really put a smile on their faces, so the sugar will remain in the lunchbox.

Occupying my kids ALL THE TIME- I love my kids obviously, but at some point all children need to learn how to occupy themselves and use their IMAGINATION. Nowadays it seems as though there is this pressure be on our kids all the time. CONSTANTLY engaging with them, activities for them to do, places to go and educate them. I am a firm believer that like adults, sometimes kids just need to be left alone. Don’t poke the bear. I am all for doing fun things with your kids but at the same time independent play is a beautiful thing not only for them but for you too.

Where my kids go to school- I could be totally wrong here, but I always believed that there are rough crowds everywhere. Every school has them. Elementary school, high school, colleges and universities, catholic, private, whatever may be out there. Real life entails some pretty rough and not so great people too. What school you go to doesn’t indicate what type of person you are going to be. All you can do is trust that your kids will choose to surround themselves with people that care about them.

At the end  of the day “to each their own” You do you and I’ll do me. If there is anything that becoming a parent has taught me it’s that you need to pick your battles, toughen up your skin, and don’t lose sight of what is really important.

Stay in your lane and do what works best for your fam jam. It’s okay to agree to disagree. Every parent is different, every child is different, and every family is different. We’re all just flying by the seat of our pants most of the time anyways. So let’s raise a glass (it’s 5 o’clock somewhere) and show some solidarity with fellow parents. At the end of the day we all end up feeling like snack bitches, chauffeurs, maids, and personal chefs on the daily.

If there is anything I want you to take away from this it’s a good laugh and the feeling of knowing that you aren’t alone. You’re never alone

Mama Hil.xo