raising kids

Back to School

With September already here, it means that it’s back to school time. Along with that can come an array of emotions. As a mama whose little lady is heading off to kindergarten, that means a whole new chapter not only for her but for me as a stay at home mama too. As I’ve thought about her first day I’ve also realized a trend in the conversations I have about back to school: It seems to be more traumatic for the parents than it is for our little humans. I fall into that category too if we’re being transparent and sometimes I wished the summer would never end. But then I realized that I wanted to flip the script for her sake and for mine. I don’t want to make her first day all about how sad I am. I want to fuel her excitement and let her know that she will have the best time (because it’s kindergarten and they seriously all have a blast). I’ve made a list to keep me accountable (because I love a good list) of all the things I want to remember leading up to that day to make it a positive experience for her even if I’m feeling ridiculously nostalgic.

Kids need their freedom: Just like when parents take a vacation or desperately need a date night, kids also need their space sometimes from mom and dad. That isn’t always necessarily easy when they rely on us for the majority of things and well live under the same roof of us too. As parents we influence a lot of their behaviours and decisions. Sure they all have their own personalities and quirks, but generally we steer them in the direction of right and wrong on a day to day basis. When they start going to school everyday, little by little they will have to start making decisions by themselves. Some days they will be good ones and other days not so good. All of this will be based on their own thoughts and feelings at that given time. It’s all about trial and error and as adults we go through that too (except it’s not as cute when we screw up). This is where they learn the lesson about the choices they make and the consequences that come along with that using their own judgement. It’s so good for them to learn and as parents it’s awesome to see your child come into their own even more.

They will make friends: Since it seems tedious to make new friends more as an adult (come on you feel that too), we forget that for kids it’s just a matter of saying hi. Simple, direct and to the point. Within a matter of minutes they have ten best friends, have gotten into five different fights, made up from those fights, and played twenty different games. It seems exhausting to us, but to them it’s just another day. Kids aren’t judgemental, they don’t care if you’re a boy or a girl, and they really don’t care what game they’re playing. They are basic creatures who like to play and have some company doing it. They put adults to shame in terms of acceptance, face to face interaction, and FUN! Of course there will be hard days, that comes with relationships, but each day to them is brand new. They wipe the slate clean and they don’t focus on what happened yesterday. They’re just ready to learn and play with their new friends.

Going to school EVERYDAY is okay: This topic is one of debate amongst parents of kindergarteners. Some say it’s too much and they’re too young and others think that it’s good for them especially when first grade rolls around. Personally I agree with the latter point of view but like I’ve said before #youdoyou My theory is the great thing about kids is that they have endless amounts of energy. I wish I could bottle that up. Are they going to be tired? Yep. Will they fall asleep on the bus or eating dinner? Most likely. But it’s mainly because they are soaking up all sorts of change. Kids go go go until their battery is completely drained. That’s all they know how to do and they definitely don’t want to miss anything. Of course there will be an adjustment period that comes with any sort of change, but I don’t think it’s fair to project our possibly fearful emotions onto them. If they seem extra tired, that’s normal. If you choose to keep them home one day a week, then do what works best for you and your family. All I’m saying is to give them a chance because they have a way of surprising us. Kids take it day by day and so should we.

Kindergarten is just the beginning: In this season of life, especially if this is your first child going off to school, kindergarten seems HUGE. It looks big and scary and life altering. Many times that’s how we approach change. As a big scary monster lurking in the shadows. But how do our kids see it? As an adventure and a mountain that they are for sure going to climb. I always try to put things into perspective and think about the big picture. Sending your child to kindergarten compared to seeing them go off to college or university. See what I mean? I will cross that emotionally charged bridge when I get to it. Just look forward instead of backwards. Sure they aren’t little babies anymore, but think about when they see you after school how excited they are going to be. They will have hundreds of different stories to tell you (some you will hear over and over again) and they will have artwork and accomplishments that they can’t wait to share with you. With the hard comes the amazing especially when it comes to our kiddies.

So yes you are most certainly allowed to be nostalgic. You’ve earned that right. And yes I do have a heart but I am merely speaking from previous experience. My oldest son is cruising into grade five and I can still remember his very first day of school. It was hard but I can say firsthand how transformative and awesome kindergarten was for him. If you think of it, it’s the best of both worlds. They get to learn, play, and develop important skills all at the same time #winning. So to all you parents out there, make this first day about the littles. Be excited and encouraging even if it hurts you a little inside. They feed off of you and if they see how ecstatic you are they’ll know it’s all good. Good luck to all you mom’s and dad’s out there and good luck to all your kiddies too! Remember to enjoy the ride along with them:)

“You’re off to great places. Today is your day! You’re mountain is waiting so get on your way!- Dr. Seuss.

Mama Hil.xo

Give Yourself A Break

Well summer is officially here. The kids are PUMPED and the questions of “What are we doing today?!” or “Where are we going?!” are upon us. Every summer I worry that I’m not going to have enough for my kiddies to do or they are going to look back and think “That was the worst summer ever.” While I do have day trips planned I’ve decided to “TRY” and be chill this summer. Take the pressure off of myself and get rid of the guilt that can sometimes consume me. In true Mama Hil fashion here is a list of ways I plan to take it easy on myself (feel free to be inspired and do the same for yourself).

1- Let my kids play. . .by themselves! Crazy concept I know. Use your imagination kids! I remember when I was a kid, after a school year of been hovered over by teachers, I wanted my parents to give me some space. I get sucked into feeling guilty as a parent and feel like I should ALWAYS be right with my kids doing what they’re doing. I have come to realize though that when I get involved too much, I either annoy my kids or that’s when the fights break out (go figure). So this summer parents, when your kids are hanging outside, pull up a lawn chair, maybe read that book that’s collecting dust, and let their creativity take over for them.

2- Yes my kids will have screen time this summer. . .#sorrynotsorry Some parents are very strict about screen time with their kids. That is totally cool with me #youdoyou. We all have certain things we’re more strict with. There is no right way to parent and every kid is different. But in the morning when I am trying to make myself presentable (you’re welcome) or if I’m looking for just a half hour of quiet time, the tv will most likely be going on. Just like adults need their chill time, kids like that too. So if you need just a few moments of sanity, than feel free to flip on that telly.

3- It’s okay to not go on a million road trips- A lot of the time kids think because they are on summer vacation, the rest of the world is too. Sorry kids. There are summer camps for a reason. Parents work and still have to adult throughout the week. As a parent, guilt once again may trick you into believing that you have to drive for a few hours in every direction to really mean that you took your kids somewhere. Most times I find that taking your kid to your towns splash pad or park is more exciting for them than anything you took months planning. Think like a kid this summer. Keep it simple and realize that if you’re working all summer and don’t have the ability to take your kids all over, chances are they are totally okay with it.

4- Smores, watermelon, and ice cream on the menu- Come summertime, parents no longer have to pack lunches (bonus) and the heat implies yummy treats and smore filled fire nights. Somedays your kids aren’t going to eat all their fruits and vegetables, and it may seem like their diet consists of more sugar than usual. Having a bit more sugar, and relaxed menu throughout the summer won’t destroy your kids for life. I remember living off popsicles on really hot days, and hot dogs because we clearly had sophisticated pallets. Maybe take it down a notch and remember what it was like to be a kid. Most of us turned out just fine. Spending more time outside is more beneficial than planning a five course meal every night.

5- Yes splash pads and pools do count as baths- Sandboxes, chlorine, beach days, sweating everywhere days, and that campfire smell. All of these things are the smells and grosseness (totally not a word but oh well) of summer. Chances are after long days and late nights, your kids aren’t going to be bathed as regularly. Parents are tired and we all know how kids feel about bathing. Kids don’t smell as much as adults do (sorry parents you need to keep showering for obvious reasons) so not bathing them EVERY SINGLE DAY doesn’t make you a bad parent. Loosen the reins and realize that if someone has an issue with your dirty kids, chances are they either don’t have children of their own, have serious control issues, or aren’t really your kind of people anyways.

I could go on and on about becoming more chill this summer and I get that for most of us it’s hard. One thing I’m pretty strict on is keeping a semi decent bedtime because come September it’ll be a tricky transition back into the school routine if I don’t. See, we all have our thing. Maybe you are thinking “I cancel my cable for the summer for no screen time” or “My kids will have no extra sugar over the summer” and that is completely cool with me. As parents we all feel guilty about different things, and we all definitely have very different kids. Some need structure, and some love to be wild and free over the summer. My Motto for this summer is “If it doesn’t go with the flow, than let it go.” Stay on your path, do what you wanna do for the summer, and lay off on the comparison and guilt trips for a few months. Your sanity will thank you.

Mama Hil.xo

 

Things I should care about. . .but don’t

There are a lot of opinions out there on just about every topic you can imagine. Parenting is no exception to this. Social media definitely inflates this and can sometimes drive a parent to the brink of insanity by making us think that we need to care about anything and everything. I’m here to say that there are quite a few things when it comes to parenting my children that I just don’t care about. Sorry, they just aren’t on my radar. I am sharing them in an effort to perhaps help another parent who maybe feels the same way but doesn’t want to feel like a) a bad parent or b) like they are the only crazy one out there. Never fear I’m right here with you. So here it goes- the list of things I don’t care about but sometimes feel like I should.

Cleaning my kids toys- Nope sorry. I hate cleaning as it is and once my kids go to bed sitting down and wiping every single toy they touched is not high on my priority list. The dog just had it in there mouth? Cool. Dropped it in dirt? I’ll just wipe it on my already dirty shirt and we’ll be good to go. Germs are everywhere and I’m just not that mom that is going to try and fight every single one.

Packaged snacks in my kids lunches- My kids always get fruit and veggies in their lunches. I always say they eat better during the week when I have to make their lunches than they do on the weekends (cereal for lunch? sure thing!) BUT I don’t skimp on the slightly sugary snacks either. So yes my kids will get teddy grahams and fruit gummies in their lunches along with the good stuff. It’s the little things in life that really put a smile on their faces, so the sugar will remain in the lunchbox.

Occupying my kids ALL THE TIME- I love my kids obviously, but at some point all children need to learn how to occupy themselves and use their IMAGINATION. Nowadays it seems as though there is this pressure be on our kids all the time. CONSTANTLY engaging with them, activities for them to do, places to go and educate them. I am a firm believer that like adults, sometimes kids just need to be left alone. Don’t poke the bear. I am all for doing fun things with your kids but at the same time independent play is a beautiful thing not only for them but for you too.

Where my kids go to school- I could be totally wrong here, but I always believed that there are rough crowds everywhere. Every school has them. Elementary school, high school, colleges and universities, catholic, private, whatever may be out there. Real life entails some pretty rough and not so great people too. What school you go to doesn’t indicate what type of person you are going to be. All you can do is trust that your kids will choose to surround themselves with people that care about them.

At the end  of the day “to each their own” You do you and I’ll do me. If there is anything that becoming a parent has taught me it’s that you need to pick your battles, toughen up your skin, and don’t lose sight of what is really important.

Stay in your lane and do what works best for your fam jam. It’s okay to agree to disagree. Every parent is different, every child is different, and every family is different. We’re all just flying by the seat of our pants most of the time anyways. So let’s raise a glass (it’s 5 o’clock somewhere) and show some solidarity with fellow parents. At the end of the day we all end up feeling like snack bitches, chauffeurs, maids, and personal chefs on the daily.

If there is anything I want you to take away from this it’s a good laugh and the feeling of knowing that you aren’t alone. You’re never alone

Mama Hil.xo