self identity

Quotes for days

You wanna know what lights me up? What gets to my heart strings and gets me right in my soul? Quotes. I am a quote junky. Pinterest doesn’t help my addiction. A good soulful quote, I am a blob on the floor. A hilariously accurate quote about parenting, laughing for days. It’s the little things in life right? If I could plaster quotes all over my house I would (wait I think I might have already started doing that). I believe that certain quotes have the ability to put situations into words when we can’t find them ourselves. Along with song lyrics, it’s amazing how someone else’s words can resonate with us so much. I’ve compiled a list of some sayings, quotes, whatever you want to call them, that have helped me at one time or another. Sometimes you just need that catch phrase to help you through something or keep you focused on your end goal. Enjoy and feel free to steal them if need be. . . I have no idea who said them in the first place.

1) STAY IN YOUR LANE- I put this one in caps simply because it is short and sweet and ohso true!!!! This is something I have to remind myself to do when I am interfering too much or a gentle (not always so gentle) reminder I may have to give to someone else. It’s simple and doesn’t really need a lot of explanation. Focus on you and just like when you’re driving on the road, stay in your lane. That’s all you have to worry about and all that should concern you. You aren’t a traffic cop of life. What everyone else is doing is none of your business and isn’t something you need to control or worry about. Eyes looking forward, that’s where you’re going afterall.

2) What other people think of you is none of your business- I used to have a really hard time with this one. What do you mean it’s none of my business? If someone has an opinion of me I have a right to know what their thoughts are about me. Nope. You don’t need to know any of it. They aren’t your thoughts, or your words, or your opinions, so they don’t concern you. Chances are you probably don’t want to hear it anyways if it hasn’t been said to your face in the first place. Do yourself a favour and let this one go.

3) Not everything that weighs you down, is yours to carry- Oh my goodness!!!! This one has definitely resonated with me especially during the past few months when I have taken more time to ground myself and work on finding more inner peace. This quote is for all you fixers out there who feel like you HAVE to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and fix everyone else’s problems. Guess what? You don’t. Yes it is very hard to watch someone you love make the same mistakes over and over again, but at some point you have to step back and understand that at some point people have to put their big kid panties on and start owning their own shit. This is still something I struggle with especially when it comes to family, but at the end of the day not everything has to involve you. You can’t fix EVERYTHING for EVERYONE.

4) You are responsible for your own happiness- This is a major one. It’s not hard to understand but it seems to be something we all struggle with. You shouldn’t rely on anyone or anything to make you happy. It’s a choice. It’s action. It’s putting one foot in front of the other and self talking yourself through the hard times. You need to take responsibility and do it for you. Make happiness happen for you.

5) When someone shows you who they really are, believe them- Actions speak louder than words right? We really need to start believing people when they act a certain way over and over again. We all want to believe there is good in people and there probably is BUT in some people I think it’s wayyyyyy deep down. At the end of the day life is too short to be making the same mistakes over and over again and dragging yourself through the mud. You can’t be mad at someone for being a jerk to you if they have shown you that they are in fact that jerk about ten times before that. (Remember that other quote- You are responsible for your own happiness).  Let them go and wish them well. It doesn’t have to be a dramatic curtain closing or anything, just wish them well and go your own way.

I could go on and on and on forever. These are just a few that I think are basic and everyone can relate to. If anything they can act as simple reminders or cues to you to keep the good energy flowing and in the end do what’s best for you. If you are a quote junkie such as myself, may I recommend DEFINITELY having a wisdom or positivity board on Pinterest. Somewhere you can view all of the cheesiness and gooeyness on the days that are difficult.

Create your own sunshine when needed 🙂

Mama Hil.xo

3 Emotions We’ve ALL Felt

As we get older and experience more in life our emotions get deeper and more complex. Events happen, life changes us, and our emotions are no different. Over time we accumulate what some may call “emotional baggage” Some of us have more than others depending on our different experiences and how we reacted (or didn’t react to them).

Some of us wear our emotions on the outside as well as feeling them on the inside. Whereas some people choose to hide them. They know that they’re there, but they have no intentions of letting anyone else see that. No matter what side of the coin you are on, one thing remains the same: WE ALL FEEL EMOTIONS.

There is a lot going on in day to day life. We clearly no longer live in a world of rotary phones and simpler times. There’s a lot of vocabulary, information, and opinions thrown at us every day. In an attempt to simplify things and show similarity I’ve narrowed it down to three emotions that I think we have all felt and could even be feeling at this very moment. You may not have felt all of these things but I am 99.9% sure that you have at least felt one of these emotions at some point in your life.

LONELINESS-  I know that seems so weird because we have so many resources available to us to connect with people. Any day, anywhere, anytime. What we are lacking is the face to face connection. The one on one and deep conversations. You can text a friend for hours, but it ends up getting more irritating waiting for a response and we’ve all been guilty of reading into the tone of a text more than we should. In a time when we are constantly connected we find ourselves feeling more lonely than ever before. If anything it should teach us that we did survive before social networking and when it comes to our relationships with people, it’s okay to go back to basics. In fact, it’s much better for our health.

EXHAUSTION- I’m not just talking about being tired. I’m talking about ache in your bones, brain fog, not enough hours or coffee in the day to keep you going. How awful is it that we run ourselves ragged just to try and keep up or not miss out on something (some of us have a mad case of FOMO). Your brain is tired, you feel like you could cry at the drop of the hat, and it’s a struggle to move your body. Let me say something about this. THIS IS NOT OKAY AND IT CERTAINLY IS NOT HEALTHY. We all say we wish we could slow down but we don’t. Soooo we go on to run ourselves into the ground and then wonder why we feel exhausted? I do it too, but I can also admit that sometimes my exhaustion is self inflicted.

STRESS/ANXIETY- I may get some backlash for saying this, but I do feel as though the word anxiety is thrown around A LOT. That having been said, seeing how busy, and chaotic that life has become, it is no wonder that words such as anxiety have become more common. Stress is something I feel quite often. If I’m not stressing about getting my kids to activities or appointments, than it’s internal stress I put on myself like am I doing enough, am I enough? It’s crummy to think that this is the new normal and we’ve come to a point in time where if you aren’t questioning yourself or stressed out, than you must be doing something wrong. We’re always trying to keep up with something or someone, and stress is just the accomplice that goes along with that.

So yes we definitely have a lot thrown at us on the daily, BUT we have the ability to control how it affects us. Like any great skill, this takes practice, awareness, and wanting to make a change. We need to stop complaining about feeling these emotions which aren’t healthy or beneficial, and make a change. I definitely know I need too not only for my health but also for my sanity. Complaining is the new action. It’s easier to complain than to make a change. What we seem to forget is that what’s happening on social media isn’t as important as what is passing us by in the real world.

So together let’s make a change. Step back and focus on what’s really important. If you’re looking for a sign than here it is. I give you permission (not that you need it by any means), to simplify your life, and actually take your life back.

Mama Hil. xoxoxo

 

 

The Rut

Truthfully I have been wanting to do a blog post about being in a rut for quite sometime. I think it’s a feeling or a place that everyone can relate to. I would start something and then delete and then start again. It’s hard to describe and it’s different for everyone. It started out as talking about a “Mom Rut”, but mom’s aren’t the only ones that go through something like that. You could appear to have everything together and your life is going exactly where you want it to. . .and yet still feel stuck or in a weird place in life.

A rut can seem like it’s more of a crater at times. Or a deep hole that you can’t seem to climb your way out of. No matter what you decide to call this feeling or place in your life, it seems that the best way to describe it (and super sophisticated too) is blah. Not sure that is even considered a word but we’re going to go with it because it seems pretty universal.

We experience ruts for various reasons because well. . .life. There are always changes, and growing pains and forks in the road that are constantly challenging us and how we view our lives. I always say that when you are in the “rut” it’s okay to visit. Be there, feel what you need to feel BUT never unpack. Look at it as a rest stop in life, not your final destination.

Generally when you’re feeling stuck it’s most likely an inside job. Something underneath the surface needs to be acknowledged or an underlying problem needs to be addressed. It’s easy to magnify the negatives in our lives and point fingers at people who have caused us pain. Truthfully this does nothing for you. It won’t solve your problems, make you feel any better, or fix anything. What you need to be doing is taking a deeper look and try to focus on the good stuff you have going on around you. I know it sounds cliche but it can be the smallest thing that brings joy to your life (good is good right?!)

As someone who has been in a rut (if you say you haven’t you’re lying because we’ve all been there), I have some telltale signs that tell me I’m heading there if I’m not already there. We like to think ignorance is bliss, but it has its own way of catching up with us. So here is MY quick list/ signs of a rut:

1. Comfy clothes all day everyday (basically wearing anything with the word sweat in it)- Yes I am a stay at home mom, and some days we don’t leave the house. Unfortunately if I’m in deep I will go for days wearing SWEATshirts, SWEATpants (get my point), leggings, and yoga pants. Basically anything with spandex, two sizes two big, and doesn’t require a button. Sounds like a dream for some but I can feel the judgement coming even from my one year old.

2. Netflix and chill. . .and nothing else- We all love our Netflix, but generally you should try and socialize from time to time. Cuddling with my snaggle tooth bulldog apparently doesn’t count as socializing. The people that love you are good for your soul. . .and they’re also the one’s that don’t judge you when you wear sweatpants too much. (Side note- you should maybe put some jeans on when you go out with friends. Do your booty good)

3. Wine o’clock- Love me some wine. But when it starts to make an appearance more often than not, I know it’s time to break up. Apparently drinking wine doesn’t count as a serving of fruit and doesn’t hydrate you the same as water?!. . .I was shocked too.

You may be thinking at this point “wow okay so this mom of three is a lazy, sweatpant wearing, hermit alcoholic?” First of all no judgement zone here. Secondly, the things  I listed don’t all happen in the span of eight hours. If one of these scenarios keeps occurring, it usually wakes me up a little bit and I’m like okay let’s figure out what’s going on.

Joking aside it’s good to be able to know when you’re heading for a not so great place physically, mentally or emotionally. I put a light sarcastic spin on it but I know how crummy it feels to feel like you aren’t really going anywhere. We are our worst critics and we put more pressure on ourselves than anyone else. Pressure to do more, be more, make more. The comforting thought in all of this? You’re not alone when you feel like this. We all feel it at some point. We all deal with it differently. BUT the core emotion of being stuck/ in a rut (whatever you wanna call it go with that) is that it truly is a universal feeling.

Long story short, this feeling that you have isn’t going to go away unless you DEAL WITH IT. Yup, that’s right. I’m not saying you are going to have everything completely figured out by tomorrow, but you most definitely have to start acknowledging what is going on. Feelings and gut instincts are not to be ignored. Feeling in a rut is your wake up call or blessing disguise meant to bring your awareness back to yourself and what you’re needing more or less of in your life.

I’ve let you know that you’re not alone in feeling this way (while making me look fairly dysfunctional. You’re welcome), so now the ball is in your court to get yourself going again. Recognize when it’s happening and develop your own set of skills to help you move forward. Keep the conversation going about “The Rut” in case someone you know needs the same reassurance.

Mama Hil.xo

 

 

Back to Basics

I have identified as a lot of different things in life. I think as people we go through different seasons and our identity shifts. Sometimes it’s good and seamless, and sometimes it’s difficult and confusing. Certain seasons we aren’t really sure which way we’re going or how things are going to turn out. We want to label our purpose in life and compartmentalize it so we feel better. Such as “Okay this is my job and this is what I get up and do everyday. So if people ask I have an appropriate answer and I feel like I am contributing to society.”

But what if you don’t have an exact answer? Does the unknown make you any less of a person? I believe that is my stage right now. Hold on because there is a big dose of raw honesty coming your way so bare with me.

Let me give you a snapshot of my life. I have an amazing husband. He is straight up my best friend and he loves and appreciates me in all of my quirkiness. We have three amazing kids who challenge me on the daily, but bring so much joy and love to my life at the same time. We live on a dairy farm where I am happily surrounded by animals from cows to dogs on a daily basis. Believe me when I say that I am so incredibly grateful, lucky and blessed.

Prior to our youngest son being born, I felt as though I was very much contributing to our life on the farm. I was stay at home mama and calf feeder and I felt as though I had the best of both worlds.

As per usual though, life happens. After our youngest was born my “title” you could say as well as my identity shifted. I found myself more of a stay at home mom and less of a contributing factor to the farm itself.

Never in my life have I been a stay at home mom. There has always been something else along with it. Waitress, accounting assistant, calf feeder. It took me quite a few months, post partum depression, and probably too many glasses of wine to realize that this transition had been harder on me than I originally thought. . .

I love being home with my kids. 100% I had always hoped that I would get to do something that allowed me to be with them majority of the time. Everyone is different, but for me it was always something I had wished and hoped for. So obviously A LOT of guilt came with me wanting something else to go along with it. What’s the saying? “Remember when you prayed for the things you have now.” So there was mom guilt right in my face. Loud, ugly, and not easily ignored.

Lately I’ve been trying to fill the void with fitness/ accountability coaching and it hasn’t been the most positive experience for me. Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn right? I enjoy working out, pushing myself, and taking care of my health and well being. But as I’ve come to realize, it has been hard for me to motivate others without feeling like I’m in their face or being all salesman like. I love posting my videos and pictures of my progress, but I realized that I enjoy doing that more to keep myself accountable.

It’s safe to say that I fell into the trap of trying to be like those I see and follow on social media. What they were doing worked for them so it would probably work for me too right?! Duh Hil, major no. What sets their soul on fire might not to do the same for me. I just finished reading my second book by one of my favourites Gretchen Rubin. One of the splendid truths in her books is to simply “Be Gretchen.” Stay true to herself and do what makes her happy and fills her cup no matter what others may think or feel.

Needless to say this struck a chord with me. You know one of those light bulb moments where you read the line over and over again because it makes so much sense to you. I realized that I needed to do something along the same lines. “Be  Hilary”I need to step back and get back to the basics of well. . .me. What I love, what is important to me, and what contributes to my happiness in this life.

Today in social media I see a lot of kick ass women out there doing there thing and rocking the world. They are go big or go home type ladies, and they are ready to take on the world. That is so incredibly amazing. . .but it’s also not for everyone out there. It’s okay to not want to be a big CEO, boss babe who travels all over the place and has a hundred thousand followers on Instagram. Yes it does work for some, but if the idea of that doesn’t excite you than regardless of what is on social media or what society tells you. . .You have to be okay with that. You have to be okay with forging your own path and doing your own thing. It’s going to be difficult and you”ll probably feel uncomfortable. I know it’s easier said than done and trust me I’m working on it too.

When it’s all said and done we are constantly changing and evolving. Sometimes you know exactly who you are and what you’re doing and other times life makes it a little trickier. You have to dig deep, get uncomfortable, and take a good hard look at yourself.

Right now I’m trying (key word being try), to dial back the pressure I put on myself as well as the pressure I may feel from outside sources. I’m trying to focus on what is most important to me and channel all my energy into that.

Who you are and what you do can and will change throughout your life. Of that I am 100% certain. How you embrace it is a choice that only you can make.

Me? I’m bring it back to the basics.:)

Mama Hil.xo