spread the word

Give Yourself A Break

Well summer is officially here. The kids are PUMPED and the questions of “What are we doing today?!” or “Where are we going?!” are upon us. Every summer I worry that I’m not going to have enough for my kiddies to do or they are going to look back and think “That was the worst summer ever.” While I do have day trips planned I’ve decided to “TRY” and be chill this summer. Take the pressure off of myself and get rid of the guilt that can sometimes consume me. In true Mama Hil fashion here is a list of ways I plan to take it easy on myself (feel free to be inspired and do the same for yourself).

1- Let my kids play. . .by themselves! Crazy concept I know. Use your imagination kids! I remember when I was a kid, after a school year of been hovered over by teachers, I wanted my parents to give me some space. I get sucked into feeling guilty as a parent and feel like I should ALWAYS be right with my kids doing what they’re doing. I have come to realize though that when I get involved too much, I either annoy my kids or that’s when the fights break out (go figure). So this summer parents, when your kids are hanging outside, pull up a lawn chair, maybe read that book that’s collecting dust, and let their creativity take over for them.

2- Yes my kids will have screen time this summer. . .#sorrynotsorry Some parents are very strict about screen time with their kids. That is totally cool with me #youdoyou. We all have certain things we’re more strict with. There is no right way to parent and every kid is different. But in the morning when I am trying to make myself presentable (you’re welcome) or if I’m looking for just a half hour of quiet time, the tv will most likely be going on. Just like adults need their chill time, kids like that too. So if you need just a few moments of sanity, than feel free to flip on that telly.

3- It’s okay to not go on a million road trips- A lot of the time kids think because they are on summer vacation, the rest of the world is too. Sorry kids. There are summer camps for a reason. Parents work and still have to adult throughout the week. As a parent, guilt once again may trick you into believing that you have to drive for a few hours in every direction to really mean that you took your kids somewhere. Most times I find that taking your kid to your towns splash pad or park is more exciting for them than anything you took months planning. Think like a kid this summer. Keep it simple and realize that if you’re working all summer and don’t have the ability to take your kids all over, chances are they are totally okay with it.

4- Smores, watermelon, and ice cream on the menu- Come summertime, parents no longer have to pack lunches (bonus) and the heat implies yummy treats and smore filled fire nights. Somedays your kids aren’t going to eat all their fruits and vegetables, and it may seem like their diet consists of more sugar than usual. Having a bit more sugar, and relaxed menu throughout the summer won’t destroy your kids for life. I remember living off popsicles on really hot days, and hot dogs because we clearly had sophisticated pallets. Maybe take it down a notch and remember what it was like to be a kid. Most of us turned out just fine. Spending more time outside is more beneficial than planning a five course meal every night.

5- Yes splash pads and pools do count as baths- Sandboxes, chlorine, beach days, sweating everywhere days, and that campfire smell. All of these things are the smells and grosseness (totally not a word but oh well) of summer. Chances are after long days and late nights, your kids aren’t going to be bathed as regularly. Parents are tired and we all know how kids feel about bathing. Kids don’t smell as much as adults do (sorry parents you need to keep showering for obvious reasons) so not bathing them EVERY SINGLE DAY doesn’t make you a bad parent. Loosen the reins and realize that if someone has an issue with your dirty kids, chances are they either don’t have children of their own, have serious control issues, or aren’t really your kind of people anyways.

I could go on and on about becoming more chill this summer and I get that for most of us it’s hard. One thing I’m pretty strict on is keeping a semi decent bedtime because come September it’ll be a tricky transition back into the school routine if I don’t. See, we all have our thing. Maybe you are thinking “I cancel my cable for the summer for no screen time” or “My kids will have no extra sugar over the summer” and that is completely cool with me. As parents we all feel guilty about different things, and we all definitely have very different kids. Some need structure, and some love to be wild and free over the summer. My Motto for this summer is “If it doesn’t go with the flow, than let it go.” Stay on your path, do what you wanna do for the summer, and lay off on the comparison and guilt trips for a few months. Your sanity will thank you.

Mama Hil.xo

3 Emotions We’ve ALL Felt

As we get older and experience more in life our emotions get deeper and more complex. Events happen, life changes us, and our emotions are no different. Over time we accumulate what some may call “emotional baggage” Some of us have more than others depending on our different experiences and how we reacted (or didn’t react to them).

Some of us wear our emotions on the outside as well as feeling them on the inside. Whereas some people choose to hide them. They know that they’re there, but they have no intentions of letting anyone else see that. No matter what side of the coin you are on, one thing remains the same: WE ALL FEEL EMOTIONS.

There is a lot going on in day to day life. We clearly no longer live in a world of rotary phones and simpler times. There’s a lot of vocabulary, information, and opinions thrown at us every day. In an attempt to simplify things and show similarity I’ve narrowed it down to three emotions that I think we have all felt and could even be feeling at this very moment. You may not have felt all of these things but I am 99.9% sure that you have at least felt one of these emotions at some point in your life.

LONELINESS- I know that seems so weird because we have so many resources available to us to connect with people. Any day, anywhere, anytime. What we are lacking is the face to face connection. The one on one and deep conversations. You can text a friend for hours, but it ends up getting more irritating waiting for a response and we’ve all been guilty of reading into the tone of a text more than we should. In a time when we are constantly connected we find ourselves feeling more lonely than ever before. If anything it should teach us that we did survive before social networking and when it comes to our relationships with people, it’s okay to go back to basics. In fact, it’s much better for our health.

EXHAUSTION- I’m not just talking about being tired. I’m talking about ache in your bones, brain fog, not enough hours or coffee in the day to keep you going. How awful is it that we run ourselves ragged just to try and keep up or not miss out on something (some of us have a mad case of FOMO). Your brain is tired, you feel like you could cry at the drop of the hat, and it’s a struggle to move your body. Let me say something about this. THIS IS NOT OKAY AND IT CERTAINLY IS NOT HEALTHY. We all say we wish we could slow down but we don’t. Soooo we go on to run ourselves into the ground and then wonder why we feel exhausted? I do it too, but I can also admit that sometimes my exhaustion is self inflicted.

STRESS/ANXIETY- I may get some backlash for saying this, but I do feel as though the word anxiety is thrown around A LOT. That having been said, seeing how busy, and chaotic that life has become, it is no wonder that words such as anxiety have become more common. Stress is something I feel quite often. If I’m not stressing about getting my kids to activities or appointments, than it’s internal stress I put on myself like am I doing enough, am I enough? It’s crummy to think that this is the new normal and we’ve come to a point in time where if you aren’t questioning yourself or stressed out, than you must be doing something wrong. We’re always trying to keep up with something or someone, and stress is just the accomplice that goes along with that.

So yes we definitely have a lot thrown at us on the daily, BUT we have the ability to control how it affects us. Like any great skill, this takes practice, awareness, and wanting to make a change. We need to stop complaining about feeling these emotions which aren’t healthy or beneficial, and make a change. I definitely know I need too not only for my health but also for my sanity. Complaining is the new action. It’s easier to complain than to make a change. What we seem to forget is that what’s happening on social media isn’t as important as what is passing us by in the real world.

So together let’s make a change. Step back and focus on what’s really important. If you’re looking for a sign than here it is. I give you permission (not that you need it by any means), to simplify your life, and actually take your life back.

Mama Hil. xoxoxo

The Rut

Truthfully I have been wanting to do a blog post about being in a rut for quite sometime. I think it’s a feeling or a place that everyone can relate to. I would start something and then delete and then start again. It’s hard to describe and it’s different for everyone. It started out as talking about a “Mom Rut”, but mom’s aren’t the only ones that go through something like that. You could appear to have everything together and your life is going exactly where you want it to. . .and yet still feel stuck or in a weird place in life.

A rut can seem like it’s more of a crater at times. Or a deep hole that you can’t seem to climb your way out of. No matter what you decide to call this feeling or place in your life, it seems that the best way to describe it (and super sophisticated too) is blah. Not sure that is even considered a word but we’re going to go with it because it seems pretty universal.

We experience ruts for various reasons because well. . .life. There are always changes, and growing pains and forks in the road that are constantly challenging us and how we view our lives. I always say that when you are in the “rut” it’s okay to visit. Be there, feel what you need to feel BUT never unpack. Look at it as a rest stop in life, not your final destination.

Generally when you’re feeling stuck it’s most likely an inside job. Something underneath the surface needs to be acknowledged or an underlying problem needs to be addressed. It’s easy to magnify the negatives in our lives and point fingers at people who have caused us pain. Truthfully this does nothing for you. It won’t solve your problems, make you feel any better, or fix anything. What you need to be doing is taking a deeper look and try to focus on the good stuff you have going on around you. I know it sounds cliche but it can be the smallest thing that brings joy to your life (good is good right?!)

As someone who has been in a rut (if you say you haven’t you’re lying because we’ve all been there), I have some telltale signs that tell me I’m heading there if I’m not already there. We like to think ignorance is bliss, but it has its own way of catching up with us. So here is MY quick list/ signs of a rut:

1. Comfy clothes all day everyday (basically wearing anything with the word sweat in it)- Yes I am a stay at home mom, and some days we don’t leave the house. Unfortunately if I’m in deep I will go for days wearing SWEATshirts, SWEATpants (get my point), leggings, and yoga pants. Basically anything with spandex, two sizes two big, and doesn’t require a button. Sounds like a dream for some but I can feel the judgement coming even from my one year old.

2. Netflix and chill. . .and nothing else- We all love our Netflix, but generally you should try and socialize from time to time. Cuddling with my snaggle tooth bulldog apparently doesn’t count as socializing. The people that love you are good for your soul. . .and they’re also the one’s that don’t judge you when you wear sweatpants too much. (Side note- you should maybe put some jeans on when you go out with friends. Do your booty good)

3. Wine o’clock- Love me some wine. But when it starts to make an appearance more often than not, I know it’s time to break up. Apparently drinking wine doesn’t count as a serving of fruit and doesn’t hydrate you the same as water?!. . .I was shocked too.

You may be thinking at this point “wow okay so this mom of three is a lazy, sweatpant wearing, hermit alcoholic?” First of all no judgement zone here. Secondly, the things I listed don’t all happen in the span of eight hours. If one of these scenarios keeps occurring, it usually wakes me up a little bit and I’m like okay let’s figure out what’s going on.

Joking aside it’s good to be able to know when you’re heading for a not so great place physically, mentally or emotionally. I put a light sarcastic spin on it but I know how crummy it feels to feel like you aren’t really going anywhere. We are our worst critics and we put more pressure on ourselves than anyone else. Pressure to do more, be more, make more. The comforting thought in all of this? You’re not alone when you feel like this. We all feel it at some point. We all deal with it differently. BUT the core emotion of being stuck/ in a rut (whatever you wanna call it go with that) is that it truly is a universal feeling.

Long story short, this feeling that you have isn’t going to go away unless you DEAL WITH IT. Yup, that’s right. I’m not saying you are going to have everything completely figured out by tomorrow, but you most definitely have to start acknowledging what is going on. Feelings and gut instincts are not to be ignored. Feeling in a rut is your wake up call or blessing disguise meant to bring your awareness back to yourself and what you’re needing more or less of in your life.

I’ve let you know that you’re not alone in feeling this way (while making me look fairly dysfunctional. You’re welcome), so now the ball is in your court to get yourself going again. Recognize when it’s happening and develop your own set of skills to help you move forward. Keep the conversation going about “The Rut” in case someone you know needs the same reassurance.